Hotel Sonic
by Listie The Scribe Maid
Summary: In this chapter, Sonic gets frozen solid! If you think Blaze'll save him, you got it! May contain very shortness and Star Wars. And maybe a hint of Jersey Shore. Also in rhyme. I dunno why. Please don't hate us... but this's on hiatus. GAH! I'm bad...
1. Introductions And Crap

**A/N: It's been a while, folks! Miss me?... Probably not. Anyways, I have yet another Sonic fanfiction for you to rot your brains on! Behold, the one, the only (hopefully), HOTEL SONIC! And one more thing, you can imagine the hotel rooms however you like. Why? I'm too lazy to do it myself. What else did you expect?**

_**Hotel It To The Marines Dept.**_

You know Sonic? He's a famous figure in his world and ours. Yeah, that right there's a no-brainier. But our story starts on a different note. And by that, I mean Sonic wanted a little more in his pay. Sure he got everything an anthropomorphic hedgehog could want in the world, but Sonic wanted a little more. In today's economy, $12,000,000 dollars don't get you much, am I right? Anyways, Sonic had gone right up to the head of SEGA and demanded at least $1,000 dollars more in his pay, but the head refused. After a small lawsuit battle (spanning 2 years), the head of SEGA wound up on Easter Island, Knuckles ended up selling the Master Emerald on eBay again, Tails got a cheese sandwich and Sonic got a hotel. It could've been worse though. Silver had his brain scooped out with a spoon after it had been on a hot plate for three hours.

"So what're you gonna do with your hotel?" Tails asked Sonic one afternoon. The two were sitting a table in a Tim Hortons.

"Maybe renovate it, give it a complete overhaul and maybe use it to help you get a girlfriend," Sonic thought aloud.

"Hey, I have one!" Tails exclaimed defensively.

Sonic rolled his eyes and smirked at Tails. "You know Cream left you a year ago, right?"

"Well, she was getting a tad too power-hungry for my liking..." Tails admitted.

"And she took over Ubisoft," Sonic added quickly.

"You know what? Shut up," Tails snapped looked a little peeved.

"Fine Prower Power To The People," Sonic muttered.

Tails let out a long sigh. How he hated to be called that. Or any pun. Would that mean he wouldn't like me?

"Hey, if you too aren't gonna buy anything, get out," the Assistant manager said, coming over to Tails and Sonic.

"Ah, ah, ah," Tails held up one finger, reached beside him, picked up the cheese sandwich he had won and showed it to the Assistant manger. "This sandwich here owns the place. And he says we can sit here as long as we want."

"Cheese sandwiches can't talk," Sonic told Tails.

"But it did win the deed," Tails replied.

The Assistant manager walked away casually as Sonic and Tails started up another argument. Just then, Knuckles came flying through the window of the place, slid across the floor and hit his head on one of the stands holding up one of the tables.

"What'd you do THIS time?" Sonic asked the echidna without taking his eyes off of Tails.

"Tikal kicked me out after she found out I sold the Master Emerald," Knuckles explained, getting off the floor.

"I thought she was a pacifist," Tails wondered aloud.

"Chaos did it," Knuckles growled. "Who knew that would be so strong with any Chaos Emeralds?"

"And you say that because...?" Sonic twirled his hand in a circle, as if asking Knuckles to continue.

"The island was hovering over China," Knuckles replied angrily. "I went the long way around." Knuckles though for a moment. "TWICE."

"Sucks to be you," Sonic said quickly before getting back to arguing with Tails.

Knuckles muttered some crap under his breath and went to the counter to get a coffee or something.

An hour or two later, right when Tails was starting to win in an argument over _Troll 2_, Blaze, Shadow and Amy all walked in.

"I'm telling you, I didn't know it was explosion!" Blaze told Shadow, who was looking madder then usual.

"It was twelve sticks of dynamite right next to a giant drill!" Shadow shouted, turning around and looking Blaze angrily in the eyes. "Only a moron-" he shot a dirty look at Amy "-wouldn't know that!"

"But they were on sale!" Amy argued in the whiniest voice she could mange. "And the common law of the world is that, if it's on sale, we must buy it!"

"And what complete idiot would sell TNT at Wal-Mart?" Shadow exclaimed.

"I would!" Knuckles called to the three.

"Hey, Shadow Of A Doubt, what's up?" Sonic enquired Shadow, still not taking his eyes of of Tails's.

"Didn't you hear me?" Shadow yelled angrily. "Ms. Raze here blew our house up!"

"Why are you three living together?" Tails asked.

"I don't know, you fill in the plot hole!" Shadow cried in an aggravated tone, more or less speaking to the fourth wall.

"Well, ain't this odd?" the Assistant mananger commented in a mocking way, walking into the middle of the Tim Hortons. "All six of you are homeless and have no place to go to. You people really are stupid aren't you. You people have all the money in the world, but you never, for one second, thought of buying a place to live if you were ever fired? That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever-" the Assistant manager didn't get to finish because, right then, Shadow had kneed him in the groin.

"And dat's for callin' me stoopid!" Shadow told the Assistant manger, who was bent over in pain.

While Shadow was doing that, Tails was thinking about what the Assistant manager who had just lost his nuts had just said. Then, it hit him. No, seriously, an ad for Sonic's hotel flew in and smacked him right in the face.

"I got it!" Tails shouted through a mouthful of Mobian Times. "We can live at your hotel, Sonic!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure," Sonic muttered, reading the paper on Tails's face. "What? Homework times go up to 3 hours? Are they mad?"

**LATER AT THE HOTEL, AN HOUR BEFORE SEVEN...**

"OK, so we're all getting the top floor, right?" Amy asked as all six of them walked into Sonic's new hotel (formally the Tipton, now known as Hotel Sonikku).

"Why do we have to be on the top floor?" Blaze moaned.

"Because I said so!" Amy retorted in kind of a half-westren and half-black accent, offending both sides equally.

"Well, it was because Shadow threatened to knee me like the Assistant manager," Sonic explained quickly, seeing Shadow was already sharpening a giant spike that would apparently tie onto his knee, "but enough about that, let us choose our rooms." Sonic whipped out six sticks, all cut to the same length, so they all resembled Popsicle sticks. "We pick a stick and if your number matches to whoever else got it, you're basically roommates."

Everybody muttered something about a kind of childish decision maker and drew a stick.

"Amy, what did you get?" Sonic enquired Amy.

"2," Amy read the number on his stick.

"That's my number!" Tails said aloud.

"Dang it," Amy muttered. She had her mind set on getting a room with somebody she had liked for years.

"Shadow, read your number," Sonic told Shadow.

"Why do I have to do it?" Shadow asked. He sounded just as annoyed as he did in Tim Hortons.

"Fine then. Knuckles, you do it," Sonic said to Knuckles.

"No way!" Knuckles shouted. "Make him do it!"

"You do it!" Shadow shouted back.

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

Tails was very quietly singing a song to himself about filler to the tune of "Thriller".

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

"You!" argued Knuckles.

"You!" argued Shadow.

"I'll do it!" Sonic shouted.

Shadow let go of Knuckles throat the same time Knuckles stopped jabbing Shadow's spike into his side. They both muttered in a agreement.

Sonic snatched their two sticks, quite rudely, and read them off: "Three, you both are roommates, no you're not switching."

Knuckles and Shadow looked at each other angrily, then decided to inspect their feet in the same angry manner.

"So that leaves me and Blaze in a room," Sonic said. "And so that's everybody. Well, I'm going to my room."

"Same here," everybody else agreed. And so they all headed to the elevator.

**THE NEXT DAY...**

Sonic was quietly eating Frosted Flakes at the hotel room's kitchen table when Blaze came angrily in the room and slapped Sonic across the face. Sonic fell off his chair thanks to blow.

"What was that for?" Sonic asked, looking up at Blaze in an angry manner.

"I know what you did!" Blaze shouted. "And you do to!"

"Last summer?" Sonic guessed.

"No last night!" Blaze yelled.

"That doesn't sound like an interesting horror movie," Sonic muttered, earning him another blow.

"I'm not talking about movie titles!" Blaze shouted angrier then before. **(A/N: I typed the following after a good cry and a lot of mental build up.)** "You groped me last night while I was asleep!" **(A/N: And I typed the rest after another good cry.**)

"What? I did not!" Sonic said defensively, getting up. "Maybe somebody else did it!"

"Like who, Tails?" Blaze suggested mockingly.

"Well, he has been growing into more of a... er, hentai lately..." sonic muttered. "Shadow has been going down the same path, as well as Shadow and, I don't know, maybe Amy did it."

Blaze stared at Sonic for a good minute before politely saying the following: "Are you out of your f***ing mind? Why would that b****** child Amy do that to me? Do you honestly think in all f***ing H*** that s*** biscuit would do that to me?"

"It could be possible," Sonic said. "Besides, it would make for a good continuing mystery."

"Like that time with the rubber band?" Blaze asked.

"Totally," Sonic agreed, sitting down to finish his breakfast.

**A/N: Not as long as I wanted it to be, but, hey, I am a lazy writer! And now you know why this has a "T" rating! OOC cussing for the win! But, anyways, thank you for reading the first chapter of my new anthology-style story. I would also encourage you to give it a rating out of ten so I can keep track of what kind of stories people like. And that's all I have to say about that. So good night and luck.**


	2. Tailsformers

**A/N: Behold! The shark jumpery has begun!**

_**Michael Bay After Day Dept.**_

Sonic sighed as he looked at the list he had in his hand. He had written down 20 things to do in his hotel and he could think of 4 he could do at the moment. Oh, he was also sitting at the same table he had been sitting at since breakfast, the bowl in front of him having his seventh bowl of Frosted Flakes.

"I could eat Frosted Flakes from a box with nothing but the words on it," he said to himself, then remembered that he had been, so he crossed it off. "Hmm... Yeah, I'm stumped." Sonic looked at his watch. "Almost lunch. Tails should be up by now." He sighed and added, "I'm going to have to do it myself."

Sonic got up, fell straight down for his legs had fell asleep, got up again, brushed himself off and went to Tails's room. In there, Sonic saw the little kitsune asleep, his workbench Tails had taken in having a strange cube on.

Sonic went beside Tails.

"Hey, buddy, wake up," Sonic whispered to Tails.

No reaction from Tails, except a small ear twitch.

"Tails, wake up," Sonic said, a little louder.

Tails's ear twitched a little more.

Sonic sighed. "WAKE UP!" Sonic shouted.

Tails's left arm went up to Sonic, felt around his chest, then up to his face and felt for the middle. When Tails's arm found the middle of Sonic's face, Sonic received ab admittedly painful punch right to the nose.

Sonic fell back from the blow, shocked that Tails was that strong, fell on a piece of wood that was under Sonic, the other end of the board flew up, a hammer that had been there flying towards the cube.

Tails's immediately flew awake, dove out of bed, grabbed the hammer and threw it back to where ti had came from, which is where Sonic was getting up.

When Sonic saw the hammer, he yelped and quickly dove to floor as the hammer lodged itself in the wall.

After all the commotion, Sonic finally got up, with help from Tails.

"Haven't I told you not to wake me up in the mornings?" Tails asked, sounding just as annoyed as Shadow did the other day.

"It's four in the afternoon," Sonic growled, putting a hand to his nose to try and stop bleeding.

"Exactly," Tails snapped.

"Anyways, I might as well ask you," Sonic sighed. "What is that cube thingy?"

"Oh, after _Transformers_, the Michael Bay version," Tails explained, picking up the cube with both hands, "I decided to create a device to link the gap between humans and machines. I'm almost done, you know."

"Fascinating," Sonic scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, Sonic, can I ask you something?" Tails asked, putting the cube back down.

"Fire away, buddy."

"Why did you call me hentai yesterday?"

Sonic looked surprised for a second, then decided to answer. "Well, you see, Tails, some old coot ran up to me on the street yesterday and told me you were hentai."

Tails looked all confused like at Sonic.

"Hey, I believe ANYTHING an old man tells me!" Sonic exclaimed defensively, crossing his arms. "It's a rare medical condition." Sonic then realized something. "How did you know I called you that yesterday?"

"Hidden cameras," Tails replied nonchalantly, leaning against the workbench. "I have one for every room in this hotel."

"Even Blaze's?"

"Even Blaze's."

"Interesting," Sonic muttered, rubbing his chin. "Anyways, I gotta go now!"

"OK then, Sonic," Tails said, going back to working on his cube.

Sonic went back to his and crossed "Almost get hit by hammer off of his list.

Back with Tails (OMFG, it was one paragraph!), Tails was still working on his cube (it had been about only ten seconds) when Amy came in.

"Hey, Tails," Amy greeted, coming in.

"Hey, Amy," Tails said back, looking at Amy. "Where have you been all day?"

"Getting something for my collection," Amy replied. "Still working on that cube?"

Tails nodded. "It's going smoothly," he said. "All I gotta do is- Say, what is that collection."

"Items from somebody I love deeply," Amy mused. "I really wanna be with that person SO much."

"O-K then." Tails turned his attention back to the cube and began to tighten the last bolt when all of a sudden – BOOM! Knuckles came flying through the wall!

"I DID NOT EAT ALL THE CHEETOS!" Shadow yelled angrily, chasing after the flying echidna.

"As I seem to recall he was the one with the Cheeto fetish," Tails commented under his breath. "But enough of that. Back to the-" Tails stopped short and looked like was gonna throw up.

"Tails?" Amy looked cautiously at Tails.

Tails didn't utter a word as he lifted the cube out from under a huge piece of wall.

"Tails?" Amy asked again, looking concerned.

"All my hard work..." Tails whispered, failing to notice the strange gas coming from the cube. "All my work..."

"Tails that couldn't have taken you-" Amy began, but Tails cut her off.

"I was trying to finish it the same as _Transformers 4_ in 2012!" Tails cried, looking back down at his cube. "I can't believe it!..."

"I'm sorry Tails," Amy said, looking not the least bit sorry, as she was more-or-less waiting for _The Smurfs 2_ more. "Say, what's that gas?"

Tails stopped his moping and noticed the gas. "Odd, I don't remember putting any gas in it," he said to himself.

"You didn't put any gas in it?"

"Nope, not at all," Tails said, sniffing the air. "Maybe it was how I made it that made the gas?... nah, that's stupid."

"Are you sure?"

"And you say that why?"

"You look more, eh, robot-y."

Tails looked down at himself and, most assuredly, he looked more robot-y.

"Ah, great!" Tails exclaimed. He looked more annoyed then worried. "It's _Strange Idea: Robot tails_ all over again!"

"What?"

"Just some weird fanfiction where I'm a robot," Tails explained. "It's not one of my best works but, then again, it's not his main project."

"OK then," Amy nodded as she said that last statement and when her head was in the "down" position (and her seat was in the full-up right position) she noticed something, too. "Great Scott! I'm quoting _Back to the Future_!"

"And besides that, you also look like a robot!" Tails yelled. "This is heavy." **(A/N: I'm funny! Really!)**

"Speaking of heavy, wouldn't the floor coloaspe under the combined weight of two robots?" Amy asked, looking only a little concerned.

Neither one looked down.

"Look, Amy, I know how the joke goes, OK?" Tails said, putting a hand to his forehead. "We both look down at the exact same time and then the floor breaks. Well, guess what, I'm not stupid, OK?"

The two stood their in silence for a second until Sonic walked by for no reason.

"IS THAT A NICKEL?" Sonic shouted, pointing at the ground.

Tails and Amy both looked down to check and, wouldn't you know it, they fell through the floor.

Sonic looked at the hole in silence for a second. "If you didn't want me to have it, you could've just SAID so!" he shouted down the hole, before angrily walking away.

At the bottom of the hotel, Tails and Amy had somehow fallen into a field, far, far away.

"Dang portals," Amy muttered, getting off of Tails. "I don't wanna think with 'em! I just wanna use 'em!"

"That's besides the point," Tails told Amy. "Right now, we're in the middle of nowhere, with no way of getting back and, whoops, we're screwed!"

"We can get back!" Amy reassured. "All we need is a big rock a ton of 'SpongeBob SquarePants' references!"

"We're never gonna get home," Tails groaned, putting his hands into his face. Then he remembered that he was a freakin' robot. "Amy, I just remembered that I was a freakin' robot!"

Well if you're gonna copy me!...never mind.

"So what?" Amy asked, not really giving a damn (she really hasn't been, has she?). "I found a rock!"

"That's a pebble"

"So what? I'm still a rockstar!" Amy sang, music coming out of nowhere.

"Amy! Focus!" Tails looked just as annoyed as you would in this situation. "I'm thinking the gas somehow mutated our geneatics and we somehow turned into Transformers. All we need is a good veichle and we're home free!"

"We'd better, there's the military," Amy said blandly, pointing behind Tails.

Tails's blood, or maybe oil, froze solid giving off, what else, DULL SURPRISE!

"Great, now I gotta thaw him out!" Amy complained. "That MST3k reference was so lame, BTW..."

Anyways, lame jokes aside, three tanks drove right up to the two animal-robot-things. The one in the front poked Tails with it's gun barrel.

"Robots!" the guy in the tank shouted through the speakers. "We do not allow you're kind here! Please give yourselves up!"

"Dude, get outta the dang way!" one driver yelled to the first guy. "I can't get a straight shot."

"Shut up, man!" the first guy whined. "I'm making a speech."

"Well, you obviously fail at that, they got away," the third tank said, pointing the barrel at Tails and Amy running for their sorry, electronic lives.

"Ah, dang it!" the first guy shouted, climbing out of the tank. He resembled Superboy Prime. "Everything was better on my Earth!"

"Shut up!" the second guy, revealed to resemble a freakish hybrid of Tails and Luigi, exclaimed, climbing out of his tank and tossing a grenade at him.

And then they all died.

**BACK TO THE PLOT!**

"A used car lot!" Tails said happily as the two walked into the lot. "If we can a good car, we can drive ourselves home!"

"That's nice," Amy muttered.

"Could you please give a damn this chapter?" Tails asked her.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Tails gave an angry yell before getting back to his search.

"'Ello there, my dear boy," a salesperson said, walking up to Tails. "Are you looking for a used vehicle?"

"No, I'm looking for my two front teeth," Tails replied sarcasticly.

"Well, if you're gonna be snappy," the salesperson huffed, starting to walk away.

"Wait, I do need a used car!" Tails told the salesperson. "One that'll get me all the way to Hotel Soniku!"

"I have just the car for you!" the salesperson exclaimed, motioning for Tails to follow as he headed off in the same direction he was going in the first place.

"OK then." Tails looked around for Amy. "Get over here!"

"Fine," Amy said, putting down a kid who had teased her back in the orphanage. **(A/N: _Bloody Tears_ reference, BTW.)**

"Right over here is the greatest Golden Pinto you'll find – anywhere," the salesperson I shall now call BillyBob explained. "I'm sure you and you're girlfriend'll like it a lot."

"Hey!" Tails and Amy cried in unison. "We're not dating! We just happen to talking in unison!" They got on. "Jinx!"

"Anyways, it's gonna cost you about $30,000," the BillyBob told the two, arguing over how owes who.

"Excuse me?" Tails asked, giving off, what else, DULL SURPRISE! "I don't have that kind of money!"

"Or a license," Amy commented under her breath.

"I heard that!" BillyBob shouted. "You ain't this car even if the military rushes up and blows the crap out of everything!"

The military rushed up and blew the crap out of everything.

"LAME!" BillyBob, Tails and Amy all said aloud.

"Amy! Tails told Amy, getting over the lamness of my last joke and getting all panicky now." "Scan the car!"

"No!"

"Fine, I'll do it!" Tails looked intensely at the Pinto and, somehow, scanned it. He then turned into it. "GET THE F*** IN!"

Amy complied, caring for once, and Tails sped off, the military in pursuit.

BillyBob stared after them. After a while he whispered, a smile spreading across his face, "My life is now complete."

**BACK 2 DA PLOT AGAIN!**

"Crap!" Tails said over and over again as he frantically dodged military fire. "These guys are relentless!"

"I know!" Amy agreed, giving, did you expect anything but, DULL SURPRISE! (This joke's getting old, I apologize).

"We need something to throw 'em off!" Tails told Amy. He though for a moment, but then got an idea: "Call Sonic using my OnStar!"

Amy nodded, although Tails couldn't see it all that well, and used the carphone.

A few rings later, Blaze picked up. "Amy, is that you?" she asked, sounding a little mad and a little worried. "Why is it saying you're calling from Tails the Pinto?"

"No time for that, we have an emergency!" Amy then procedded to explain the whole situation to Blaze.

"Got it?" Amy asked after a while.

Blaze was quiet for a moment. "I'm just gonna assume you're off your meds again," she muttered, hanging.

"Ah Grambi!" Amy cried.

"Well maybe if you had tried to explain it better instead of adding that whole acid trip part in the middle," Tails said, in a mockingly nice voice.

Amy growled.

"Anyways, I've already out run them, but we can't be sure," Tails explained. "Hide in that bush over there until I know it's OK to go."

Amy growled again and Tails used his ejector seat to rocket Amy out of the car and into the bush.

Then Sabrina, drunk off her a**, came with some random guy, got in Tails and, well, you know, flowers.

An hour later, Tails was shaking (not too odd for a used car).

"Tails, look at it this way," Amy was trying to comfort Tails, "They say if an egg from Sabrina lands in your fuel tank, you're priceless!"

Tails exploded and formed back into his old self.

Amy was quiet for a moment. "You were not worthy," she murmured darkly.

"Damn it," Tails muttered as well, but noticed something else. "A train! And look, it's tracks go straight to Hotel Soniku!"

"Oh Frabuos day!" Amy cried in, rehashing the same joke again, DULL SURPRISE!

Amy and Tails both ran for the train.

**AT TEH TRAIN**

"Yep, Zelda," Link boasted, showing the now-spirit Zelda his train. "This here is the finest train in all the lands."

"You've got to be kidding," Zelda scoffed, looking exactly like her CDi self.

"I wish you were more supportive," Link whined.

"Well, it's my princess-attribute of the day," Zelda explained, holding up a calendar.

"Interesting..." Link muttered.

He then got trampled by Tails and Amy

"!" Tails said quickly, scanning the train, getting on the tracks, turning into said train and speeding away.

"Link, you OK?" Zelda asked, looking at Link's dead body.

He turned into a female fairy version of himself.

"Well you could've come back as something dignified," Zelda told Link.

"Well EXCUSE ME, princess!" Link told Zelda.

**BACK TO THE SEARCH FOR PLOT**

"Faster! Faster!" Amy yelled, for some reason in pleasure.

"I'm trying!" Tails exclaimed, also seeming to be in pleasure.

They were... Wait, wrong fanfiction.

**BACK TO BACK THE SEARCH FOR PLOT! (THESE THINGS ARE OVERUSED!)**

"Faster! Faster!" Amy yelled, for some reason in pleasure.

"I'm trying!" Tails exclaimed, also seeming to be in pleasure.

They were... Woah, I got strange sense of Deja Vu.

"Why are we in pleasure?" Tails asked.

"I have no idea!" Amy replied, in DULL SURPRISE!

"Anyways..." Tails said, getting back to the approaching military.

"TASTE LASER TIC-TACS!" the military shouted, firing Laser Tic-Tacs, one of which flew into Amy's mouth.

"Minty!" Amy shouted. She smacked her lips, looking a tad confused. "And burning."

The military stopped firing for a second, talked about something, then began firing Tic-Tacs again.

"NO! NOT THE TIC-TACS! THEY BURN!" Amy quoted Ganondorf directly.

"What's with all the quotes?" Tails wondered loud.

"Ha, ha, ha, what a funny story, Tails," Amy quoted Tommy Wiseau.

Tails groaned. "Anyways, what's up ahead. I can't see-"

**CHANNEL CHANGE!**

"DOODY!" The Nerd interrupted.

**CHANNEL CHANGE BACK! (STILL OVERUSED!)**

"-like this," Tails finished.

"A bridge," Amy said, still in DULL SURPRISE! (I'm seriously considering retiring this joke.)

"No problem," Tails said, not concerned one bit.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Amy screamed. You know, she could've jumped off but she... Y'know, I hear the last A/N just around the corner, so let's just hurry ahead, OK?

So anyways... **(A/N: Excuse me, who are calling the LAST A/N?)** Excuse me? **(A/N: I'm calling you out!)** This is really pointless. **(A/N: Says you! Take this!)** Oof! Why I oughta... **(A/N: You think you can- OWCH!)** Gah! **(A/N: Ugh!)** Eef! **(A/N: Get away from me!)** No way you... You... DOUBLE Ni$%! **(A/N: Oh no you didn't!)**

"Guys!" Tails and Amy shouted

WHAT! **(A/N: WHAT!)**

"The plot!"

Oh, sorry... **(A/N: I guess I got carried away again.)**

Anyways, lets end this.

"What do you plan to do?" Amy asked Tails, frightened out her wits.

"Recreate the end of _Back to the Future Part III_!" Tails replied, going full speed ahead.

Amy hung on for dear life as the speed increased. The military was confused for a moment, but then put "Don't Stop Me Now" on and continued the chase.

Tails was going 90, 100, 110, 120, A HUNDERED AND THIRY MILES AN HOUR! The bridge was nearing! The Flux Capacitor was was about to go off! The military was catching up! Amy was kept hanging ('cause you know we're gonna make it through)! Tails got to end of the bridge and!... exploded.

"Huh," one member of the military said. "That was weird."

**ACTUALLY...**

Michael Bay woke up with a jolt.

"What in the... That had to be the weirdest dream I've ever had," he said to himself, breathing in heavily. "But... Why don't I take out everything Sonic related, throw in my own BS and make it into a popular series from the 80's? It's genius!"

"Whatever you say, Michael," Sonic muttered, going back to his hotel room.

"Did he have any sugar?" Blaze asked, searching intently for something.

Sonic opened his mouth to say something, bu no words came out. He then finally said, "He was all out."

A Gold Pinto then crashed through the wall and Amy climbed out.

"YOU HAVE GOTTA TRY THAT CUBE TAILS MADE!" Amy told Blaze and Sonic in a weird hype, running back to Tails's room for more of the stuff.

**Final A/N: Not how I wanted to end it, really, but, hey, I at least got it done. My formula for updating, by the way, is gonna be two other pieces of work, followed by some _Hotel Sonic_. Anyways, review, rate out of ten, I hope you got all the references and, as Edward R. Murrow would said, "Good night and good luck."**

**DULL SURPRISE!**


	3. Chia Beiba Feva

**A/N: Here's a little something I forgot to mention last time: If you wanna create anything based off of my work (other fictions, art, etc.) feel free to. Just make sure to tell me, OK? Anyways, the main inspiration for this chapter came from MAD #508's ad parody called "Chia Beiber Pet". This was during that period when I was writing down story ideas on my iPhone (as of the time I'm typing this, I have, get this, over 150 ideas) and I felt Knuckles, Amy and Shadow were getting left out. So I decided to dedicate a few to them, including this one right here...**

_**HAIR APPARENT DEPT.**_

"Hey Knuckles, what cha got there?" Amy asked.

Knuckles had been walking around with a strange package when Amy had stopped him right at the door to her and Tails's apartment. The package was small, about the size of three Wiis stacked on top of each other.

"It's er, um, nothing," Knuckles replied. He looked embarrassed, for some reason, the expression beating out that time with the rubber band.

"Why so embarrassed?" Amy, now leaning against the door frame, looked smug at Knuckles before continuing: "I mean whatever you have in that box is probably nothing very important or of relevance. So just show me it."

"Let me think for a second, no," Knuckles snapped. "This is box is highly confidential." Knuckles thought about the way he had said his words, because Amy looked every more determined to get her hands on the box. "What I mean is, it's confidential in the sense that you can't see, but I can. Because of other reason you can clearly see on page 27, paragraph 5, subsection 21, of the _Box Looker's Guide to Box Looking_ (available now at Barns & Noble), I cannot let you look at this box-" Amy was now up to her chest in Knuckles sweat "-and this is also a package for another person who's name I cannot pronounce and that person was very specific about his/her/its terms."

Amy looked at the box carefully for a second out a large chalkboard from somewhere beside her and writing down a complicated formula on it. After a few seconds, she crossed everything out, wrote "SCREW IT!" on the board, shoved it aside and took off her smart looking glasses (which only made her look hotter, for some reason). "It's a box of KISS CDs, isn't it?" she guessed.

"That's right!" Knuckles exclaimed in relif, pointing a glove at Amy while at the same time pulling out a drain that let all the sweat down to the floor below theirs, where a hedgehog named Poison drowned. "And to keep you quiet about it, have Alive III!" Knuckles dug around in the box for a second before producing the CD and handing the aforementioned CD to Amy.

Amy took the CD, thanked Knuckles for it and went back inside. A second later, she came back out giving off a look of, wait for it, DULL SURPRISE!...actual, it was displeasure.

"There's no 'God Gave Rock & Roll to You II'," Amy informed Knuckles.

"Right..." Knuckles muttered, digging through the box once more. Apparently, the CD was really wedged in there because it took Knuckles all his strength to pull it out. But eventually, he did.

Amy took the CD, checked the track listing carefully, thanked Knuckles once more and went inside to play it.

Knuckles quickly ran to Sonic & Blaze's room before Amy could come back out and ask for a different CD. Once inside, Knuckles put the box down on the kitchen table and opened it. Blaze came out of the box, only above her knees and higher showing.

Sonic, who's butt had recently grown attached to the one of the table's chairs, stared in open shock at the sight (oh, don't act like you wouldn't).

"You realize that was my favourite, right?" Blaze enquired, crossing both of her arms.

"Why do you like KISS anyways?" Knuckles shot, shoving his face as close he could into Blaze's.

Blaze pushed Knuckle's face back with her middle and ring finger before replying, "I got it in my mother's will."

"Why?" Knuckles signalled for Blaze to continue.

"Father murdered her."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"Are the CDs all you got?"

"Where'd the rest go?"

"The butler called dibs."

"Ah."

Knuckles and Blaze stared at each other for a bit, Blaze looking a bit sad, nobody uttering a word.

After a while, both of them noticed Sonic sitting at the table.

"Stay right where you are," Knuckles instructed Sonic, running to his and Shadow's room.

Sonic and Blaze exchanged glances that pretty much said "What the f...?".

Knuckles came back a minute later with a camera and took a picture of Sonic.

"That's one for the books!" Knuckles exclaimed, putting the camera down on the table. "Sonic not moving!"

"Well, I would move, but my butt hasn't let up mating with the chair," Sonic explained.

"I don't care," Knuckles said. "So, anyways, Blaze, what do I get for carrying you and your box?"

"You wanted something?" Blaze didn't look surprised. "Well, lemme see what I got in here..."

Blaze hit some kinda switch on the inside of the box and she descended into the box like she was on an elevator. Both Sonic and Knuckles looked into the box in disbelief. A few seconds later, Blaze came back out with a box covered in dust.

"You can have this," Blaze told Knuckles, thrusting the box at him. "I got it months ago and I really don't want it."

"Why's it so dusty?" Knuckles enquired, taking the box and inspecting it.

"The other thing the butler didn't want was my mother's priceless dust collection," Blaze muttered, looking a bit ticked off.

"Okay then," Knuckles said, walking back to his and Shadow's room.

Blaze looked at Sonic the moment Knuckles was gone.

"You know I can get you off that chair easily," Blaze said plainly. She snapped her fingers so her thumb was on fire and placed it on Sonic's head.

Sonic instantly reacted, jumping up, ran around the room three times and then finally jumping into the sink. He emerged a minute later for air.

"You're real dirty, you know that!" Sonic shouted, spitting water out.

Blaze grinned smugly and nodded her head.

"Well, forget you," Sonic murmured. "I'm gonna run a marathon." Sonic caught Blaze's look in her eye. "I'm gonna go run TWO marathons."

Blaze watched Sonic walk out of the room and close the door behind him. Right after Sonic left, the gold Pinto turned into Tails (not robot).

"Have fun as a Pinto?" Blaze asked Tails.

"It was fine," Tails replied. "It just took me a while to regain consciousness after Amy knocked me out so she could go on a joy ride."

"Ah."

Tails climbed through the hole in the wall back to his room just as Blaze pressed another button inside her box and went back inside.

With Knuckles, he was almost finished dusting the box off. "Come on you stupid box," he growled. "How much dust can you have?"

Two hours later, Knuckles found out.

"82,997 pounds?" Knuckles cried in disbelief.

"Be quiet," Shadow instructed Knuckles. "I'm ordering a Japanese X-Box 360 offa eBay."

"What's wrong with the one we have?" Knuckles wondered aloud.

"It's too American," Shadow explained. "We have to remind our fans we DID start in Japan."

"So that's why you're ordering an X-Box from Japan?"

"Anata wa hontōni hayai kusokyatchi suru to, tawagoto suu rokudenashi o yakkaina," kage wa kare no kensaku ni modotte, itta.

Knuckles sighed for he had no idea what Shadow just said (and I hope you don't), so he went back to his box. It turned out to be a Chia Beiber Pet.

"Rip-off!" Knuckles shouted.

"Shut up!" Shadow shouted back., tossing a glass cup at Knuckles, off which Knuckles just punched into oblivion.

Knuckles looked at art on the box. It featured a Chia-type Beiber and the front claimed "Watch its popularity grow! Inexplicably! You can't make it stop!", which Knuckles had to admit was true.

Knuckles then opened the box, which had a Beiber head, a packet of seeds and an instruction sheet (feat. Ludacris).

"Well that's just stupid," Knuckles commented, throwing the instruction sheet in the trash, which Shadow just shot with a gun. Knuckles just picked up the box and looked at the instructions at the side. "OK, soak clay head in water..."

"Sorry, I didn't pay the water bill so I can pay for my X-Box 360," Shadow admitted, to which Knuckles groaned.

"Great, I need water and you got rid off it all!" Knuckles exclaimed.

"Well EXCUSE me! I didn't know you were gonna get that KUSO thing!" Shadow shot back.

"Don't you speak Japanese to me!"

"Hur detta, Knuckles? Hur är det jävla svenska?"

"Oh, you're so clever!"

"Yes I am!"

Knuckles growled again, showing once more the only emotion he knows is anger. Then, for once, he got a good idea. He went out into the hallway, picked up the plug he had used earlier to drain all the water to floor blow theirs, went to said floor, put the plug in the ceiling and then pulled it out once again. All the water was then drained to the floor above them.

_That should do it_, Knuckles thought, going to the above floor. _All I gots to do now is just wait a day._

And so, one day went by.

"Hey, Amy!" Knuckles shouted at Amy.

"Yeah?" Amy asked, turning on her heels to face Knuckles.

"Take this!" Knuckles exclaimed, shoving Amy down the stairs.

Don't worry, though, she only broke two thirds of the bones in her body.

Knuckles check his watch and suddenly said, "Holy crop, I'm late!" He rushed to his room, passing a small box in the hallway.

Blaze came out of the box. "Where's he going in such a hurry?" she wondered aloud. After a second, she went back into her box to finish watching the last episode of "Tales from the Crypt".

Knuckles then suddenly ran back, pulled the plug on the floor and all the water (and the box) were sucked to the floor below theirs. Blaze got very wet.

Once Knuckles was in his room, he inspected the head very closely. It looked well enough, so he decided to put the seeds on it. But first, he wrote about it on Facebook:

**-LOL LINE BREAK-**

**Knuckles:** I'm ready to start my Beiber head!

_Nobody likes this. No, litteraly._

_~Comments~_

**Sonic:** That stupid thing? Why are wasting your time and water on that thing?

_Blaze, Tails, Mario and 27 others like this._

**Knuckles:** Because, uh, it's good for me to expiriment in my interests! By the way, how'd the marathons go?

**Sonic:** I got first place in both of 'em!

**Knuckles:** Big surprise.

_Mario, Yoshi, Bella, Edward, Michael Bay, Poison and 28,105,866 others like this._

**-LOL, SECOND LINE BREAK-**

Knuckles quickly logged off of Facebook before Sonic could flame him to death and began on his Beiber head. He went in an unnatural bowl design. He was done quickly.

"So just leave it in light..." Knuckles read the side of the box and then went to put the head on a window sill, the window in question was next to Shadow (still ordering his X-Box 360).

"It's blocking my eBay light," Shadow grunted, holding his Mossberg 590 "Mariner" 12 gauge shotgun (he, ahem, "borrowed" from Wyatt Evans who's been, ahem, "sleeping" for, ahem, "a very" long, ahem, "time") up to Knuckles's head.

"Got it," Knuckles said quickly, running to the whole in the wall that lead to Tails's room.

"No windows here, try Amy's room," Tails said, not even letting Knuckles speak.

Knuckles thanked Tails and ran to Amy's room. He stepped out a second later when he saw what was in there. "She really likes THAT person?..." Knuckles whispered to himself, before shaking that odd feeling off. He then ran to Sonic's room.

"YOU DARE MOCK ME? YOU MUST DIE!" Sonic screamed when he saw Knuckles, apparently still angry (for some reason, he was angry) over Knuckles's Facebook comment, running straight to him.

"NO, NOT INTO THE S***, IT BURNS!" Knuckles exclaimed, getting dunked head first in the toilet.

Long story short, Knuckles crawled back to his room, covered in s*** and cum (not that odd).

"T-t-t-tails should really c-c-clean t-t-t-that c-c-c-can out-t-t," Knuckles stammered.

"I haven't done anything to that toilet and Sonic hasn't gone to it yet," Tails told Knuckles, popping his head in from the hole.

Knuckles put two and two together before realizing what had happened. And he didn't like it. "Well, I can at least use a sunlamp..." he muttered to himself, going into his room.

But then I suddenly ran out of ideas and decided to blow Knuckles's room up!

"Not cool!" Knuckles told me, noticing his Beiber head was caught in the blast.

"We'll, I'm glad," Shadow muttered dryly.

_That Gamer, the reader and 789,939,703,609,956 other people like this._

**A/N: Hooray! Bad endings! References include _Fill Me With Your Poison_, _Beating Sonic Heroes_ and _Welcome to Facebook_. Rate out of ten, people! This That Gamer saying "Good night and good luck."**


	4. Cream of Days, Part 1

**A/N: Chapter four... As long as I don't lose interest until AFTER I've written Chapter 24, this story will have the most chapters I've ever HAD in a fanfic!...yeah, not really HUGE news. Or news at all... A special thanks goes to Ultima for allowing me to use (I'm guessing it's a male) his designs for Dark Gaia! And I mean no offence to you, because the way I use it... Well, let's just say her pink canoe's always overflowing. And the beginning of this video parodies _A Serving of Humour with a Serving of Randomness_. No offence to Jakeroo123.**

_**666 MOVIES YOU SHOULD WATCH BEFORE YOU DIE DEPT. (PART 1)**_

Tails was sitting cross-legged in Sonic's room, the door slightly ajar so he could see into the main part of the huge hotel room. In Tails's hand was a single string. To the naked eye, the string in mention was invisible. But to Tails, it was there, plain as day, and attached to a chili dog Tails had placed in the middle of the room. It should also be noted that said chili dog had a small camera inside it say if someone was to, say, chase it, it would capture all the action.

Sonic casually strolled into the room, having crossed off two more things off of his list ("#2: Run four marathons" and "#4: Tell Sonichu off"). Sonic wasn't paying too much attention to his surroundings (would YOU if you had ran FOUR marathons? I didn't think so) until he noticed the chili dog.

_Damn, I just realized how hungry I am,_ Sonic thought to himself. _How come I didn't notice that until now?_

Sonic went up to the dog and bent down to get it, but Tails quickly tugged on it, the camera turning on.

Sonic noticed the chili dog moving away, gave short & confused glare, shrugged it of and went to get it again.

When Sonic's fingers were a centimetre away, Tails tugged once more. At this point, Sonic was getting annoyed, so he tried thrice in rapid succession. All three failed. Hard.

"OK," Sonic laughed, sounding frustrated, "This is getting annoying."

And so Sonic tried twice more. Three guesses t- TIMES UP! He failed.

"For Grambi's sake, I can move faster then the thing, why don't I just run up and grab it?" Sonic wondered aloud. He still accented every word in frustration.

"Because if you did, it wouldn't be funny," I told Sonic. "And if you wanna keep you job, keep bending over forwards for that dog."

"All right," Sonic grumbled, trying again. If you don't know what's gonna happen by this point, you're a moron.

"Seriously!" Sonic exclaimed.

Tails gave a small giggle. For some reason, he was enjoying this. He didn't care what Jakes OR Roos said!

Sonic growled and finally began to chase the dang dog. At that point, Tails began pulling really fast.

And off Sonic went. He chased the chili dog through the city, out the city limits, through a desert, through the shooting of _Breaking Dawn: Part 2_ (oh my goodness, _Twilight_ is horrible, ah), through the desert again, through a UFO, through space, through the ocean, across Tokyo, through Godzilla's digestive system, through England, through Egypt, away from a whole army of undead mummies, through Africa, across the sea once again, through a legion of p***ed off penguins, across the sea a third time, through South America, the United States of America and finally back to my home & native land, Canada.

Sonic came into his room, wheezing like a mad man. He managed to slowly crawl his way to his bed.

"Do you... think we... got enough... footage?" Sonic breathed, gasping for air in-between every two words.

Tails quickly looked around the room for a chili dog, found it, picked it up, dug through it for the camera, found the camera, picked it out and checked the time on it. "Ten minutes!" Tails told Sonic. "A new record!"

Sonic gave a very faint smile before collapsing again. "Why did... I let.. you talk... me into... this crap?" he asked.

"Because my last video got only 30 views," Tails explained, picking ("pick" is my word of the day) up the laptop he had next to him and attaching the camera to it. He then began to edit it on iMovie before putting it on YouTube. "Now we just wait and see how many views this gets!"

"Woo..." Sonic said hoarsely, twirling his finger in the unenthusiastically before deciding it was much better to conserve his energy.

Two hours later, Sonic was pacing back and forth behind the couch while Tails's video page on YouTube refreshed.

"Why don't you just sit down?" Tails offered, looking at Sonic.

"If I did, I'd have to run another marathon," Sonic stated, continuing to pace.

Tails wondered about Sonic said for a second, turned his attention back to his video and...

"27 views?" Tails shouted, looking awfully surprised at the screen. But it was true: Sonic's chasing part duex had only gotten 27. And 4 dislikes.

"Does that mean we gotta do it again?" Sonic whined, looking at Tails.

"No, no, it's fine..." Tails muttered. "I can't believe my other videos are better."

"What other videos?" Sonic asked.

"Well, I managed to get a video of Knuckles's room exploding and I put it up," Tails said.

"Thanks to YouTube..." Knuckles commented sarcastically, poking his head in the door.

"The old cliche 'there's nothing to watch on TV' can now be finished with 'so I think I'm gonna watch drunk German business mean sing karaoke'," Sonic finished for Knuckles.

Knuckles uttered a single "d'oh" before leaving.

"It's REALLY easy to make that guy mad..." Sonic said to himself, his voice reaching a mutter by the end of his sentence. Sonic then thought about something for a second. "You know, Tails, now that I think about it, Knuckles's room blowing up with kinda costly."

"Why are we talking about cost now?" Tails asked.

"Well, there's the economy and then there's my laziness and then there's-" Sonic began, but Tails cut him short.

"Why are we talking about cost now?" Tails repeated himself, a little more seriously now.

"I dunno," Sonic admitted, shrugging. "I guess I've just been too preoccupied with all this crazy stuff going on."

"Well now that we've noticed, we should do something about it," Tails told Sonic. "Let's gather everybody up."

"Everybody except Shadow," Sonic told Tails.

"Why not Shadow?" Tails wondered. "Is he still ordering his freaking X-Box 360!"

"Yes and no," Sonic replied. "You see, it turns out he didn't haven't enough money so he went to Cream's place to beg her for a job."

"He went to Cream's first because..." Tails turned his hand in a circle to signal Sonic should finish it.

"He doesn't think much...?" Sonic finished Tails's sentence, not being to sure himself.

So now let us cut to Cream's place to see what Shadow's been doing. I mean, this chapter IS about the motherfaker!

"So you wanna see Cream, do ya?" the secretary, who I shall now call BillyBob, asked.

"Um, that's what I asked you at the beginning of this chapter," Shadow reminded BillyBob.

"Sorry, it's just we've been focused so much on those other two," I said to the both of them.

"So..." Shadow said, trying to unawkward the fact that they just to talked to worst person in, me (I take pride in that title). "Can I see Cream?"

"Nope," BillyBob replied, leaning back in his chair. "She's doing something and doesn't want to be disturbed."

"Is she trying to get in Playboy again?" Shadow demanded. "She said she would email me if she tried again!"

You were looking at the screen in disgust, mouthing "what the f***..."

"What?" Shadow exclaimed at you. "I got not other girls to swoon over because Sonic pretty much has Blaze, Knuckles is too concerned about getting a new Chia Bieber Pet, Tails is pretty much been flying solo for his whole life-"

"And you've just been very unappealing," BillyBob concluded for Shadow.

"I have people I could date!" Shadow argued.

"Name some," BillyBob shot back.

"Maria," Shadow said.

"Too dead," BillyBob commented quickly.

"Juile-Su," Shadow countered.

"Too in the comics," Billybob laughed smugly.

"Amy."

"Too overused."

"Tikal."

"Too old."

"Poison."

"Too Mary Sue."

"Sally!"

"Too metal."

"Lara Su!"

"Too in the comics again."

"Blaze!"

"Too taken."

"Samus!"

"Too human"

"Kitty!"

"Too many."

"ROUGE!"

"Too hot for you."

"AMY!"

"Too repeated."

"SILVER!"

"Too gay."

Shadow took a deep breath and tried to think of more, but, alas, he couldn't.

"You win this round," Shadow muttered.

"Too satisfied," BillyBob said.

Shadow facepalmed.

"Too hard there," BillyBob told Shadow (I swear that's the last sentence that starts with "Too").

"Look, just let me see Cream!" Shadow shouted, shoving his face in BillyBob's.

"Well..." BillyBob muttered, looking at the desk.

Just then Cream came out to save BillyBob's hide.

Cream was, instead of her usual dress/thing, was in more of a business suit like outfit.

"Hello Emo the Hot Shot," Cream greeted Shadow, smirking. "Lemme guess: You wanna get an X-Box 360 from Japan but you don't have the cash."

"How did you know that?" Shadow asked. "I was trying to buy it on eBay."

"I OWN eBay," Cream scoffed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Fascinating," Shadow murmured. He then picked up his voice: "Look, I just want a job so I can get the money!"

"Hmm..." Cream thought for a second, somehow making the act of thinking seem mocking. "Well I'm making a remake of the movie _End of Days_ and I need a co-star."

"OK," Shadow said. "What's the part?"

"You're the devil," Cream replied, smiling diabolically.

"What?" Shadow was somewhat taken aback from Cream's reply. "Why do I have to be the devil? Can't you get someone like Melphiles or Dark Gaia to do it?"

"I would have used Dark Gaia," Cream explained mockingly, "But she's your understudy."

"And I'm not too happy about that!" Dark Gaia exclaimed from the floor above the one they were currently one.

"Shut up, I own you!" Cream shouted back, picking up a random broom and jabbing it through a hole in the ceiling. Afterwards, Cream briefly looked through the hole. "Right in the cooch," Cream whispered in a satisfied tone.

"So...OK then," Shadow said slowly. "Who's the star."

"Moi," Cream said proudly, posing heroically.

"You're trying to be the new Arnold?" Shadow asked Cream in the same tone you would if you had heard that.

"Well, no," Cream responded. "I'm trying to be the new depressed cop."

Just then, Dark Gaia stormed downstairs and right up to Cream.

"You think you can do whatever you want to me but OH NO you little bugger I am a demon and even though I've never one and even had $3X with my mortal enemy I can beat the snot out of you any day of the week," Dark Gaia rambled, "and it doesn't matter if you own me or not, Ultima was just being a moron when he sold me I mean I don't even know why he had to, he IS a God, why does he need more money, I mean it's just pointless and you are the biggest mother-"

"SHUT THE F*** UP YOU B****!" Cream screamed (it rhymes!). "I OWN YOU AND IF YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER I WANT! ULTIMA CAN SHOVE HIS HEAD UP A RHINO'S A**! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

Dark Gaia growled and took a step back. She COULD have obliterated her, but that shock thing on her sweet spot really did hurt. Even for a demon.

"Now, let's work out a deal," Cream told the two, motioning for the two to follow her. "I will make you two an offer you can't refuse."

"OK, now you're just ripping of _The Godfather_!" Shadow exclaimed.

"That's not important," Cream snapped. "So here's the deal: You two work with me and I'll get you two whatever you want. Shadow you want...?"

"Cash for a Japanese X-Box 360 off of eBay," Shadow finished.

"And you, Dark Gaia, wants...?" Cream looked at Gaia, expecting her to continue.

"Out of your control," Dark Gaia finished. She thought for a second, then added: "I also want my pussy to stop overflowing."

You were looking at the screen in disgust, mouthing "what the f***..." again.

"How many slang terms can you use?" Shadow questioned.

"Did you even READ _Falling for the Enemy_?" Dark Gaia asked in reply. "One chapter had at least fifty different slangs! AND self-pleasure."

"Weird," Cream commented rudely. "Anyways, you must sign this contract-" Cream produced a contract "-and when you do, you cannot get out of this. Period."

"Fine," both Shadow and Dark Gaia muttered, singing the contract.

"Good." Cream rolled up the contract, stuck it in her suit and went back down the hall.

Shadow and Dark Gaia stood in silence for a moment.

"Think the use of slang will boost this up to 'M'?" Shadow asked.

"Maybe," Dark Gaia said, shrugging.

**A/N: Sadly, this will be divided into two parts. I know, I know, I'm Hitler for doing so. Anyways, thanks to Ultima the Fox for letting me use Dark Gaia. (I CANNOT find that image he said somebody drew! Seriously, look it up on Google Images, you will not find it!) The next chapter'll have more cameos, pop culture references, fiction references, devils, HOT POCKETS and complicated number equations then you can handle! Just watch!**


	5. Cream of Days, Part 2

**A/N: Today you will see movie history right before your eyes! You will see the making of a remake of the Arnold film _End of Days_! In all seriousness, I will mostly be showing scenes out of context. Except the opener! And if you think Cream is OOC, you're taking this way to seriously!**

_**666 MOVIES YOU MUST WATCH BEFORE YOU DIE DEPT. (PART 2)**_

"Sonic, what are you doing? Blaze asked, seeing Sonic tapping away on his iPhone.

The two were still in their hotel room. They lives will get more interesting next chapter, trust me.

"I'm playing Doodle Bowl," Sonic muttered, focusing on his game. "I'm trying to get every alley."

"Hmm..." Blaze stood over Sonic's shoulder to watch his game. The board looked like Candy Land.

"Just one more strike..." Sonic said to himself, flicking the ball up. Just then, a Facebook notification came up. "Dang it!" Sonic quickly closed the notification and returned to his game where he got a gutter ball. Sonic facepalmed.

"Mind if I try?" Blaze asked.

"Knock yourself out," Sonic replied, tossing his iPhone behind him. He accidentally hit Blaze square between the eyes and literally knocked her out.

"LAME!" Michael Bay exclaimed, popping his head in the door.

"Totally," Sonic agreed. "Anyways, mind if I use your laptop for a second?"

"Can't right now," Michael said. "I'm trying to convince these people I don't know to give me the license to Inhumanoids!"

"What?"

"Old TV show. I'm going to give it the _Transformers_ treatment!" Michael then went back to his room, excited.

"Weird," Sonic said, getting his other iPhone out. "Time to check my Facebook."

**-LOL LINE BREAK-**

**Shadow:** Got the acting job! Shooting starts today.

_Sonic, Tails, Maria and 36 others like this._

_~Comments~_

**Sonic:** What movie is it?

**Shadow:** End of Days. Weird choice, huh?

**Sonic:** Yeah, I have to agree.

_Shadow, Knuckles, Arnold, Doug Walker and 661 others like this._

**Cream:** It isn't that weird to me.

_All of Cream's loyal slaves liked this._

**-LOL LINE BREAK THE SIXITH-**

Shadow looked up from his iPhone to see Cream standing over him.

"So I think it's weird!" Shadow shouted. "Who cares?"

"I do," Cream replied.

"That was rhetorical question," Shadow said.

"I OWN the word 'rhetorical'," Cream shot back.

"Since when?" Shadow asked angrily.

"Last Christmas," Cream said flatly. "Now come on, we're shooting your first scene."

"Fine, fine, fine, what is it?" Shadow asked.

"Lemme lay it out for you," Cream explained, bringing out her script. "Now please keep in mind I did change some parts around. So your basically in the bathroom washing your hands when the angel posses you. After words, you go into the restaurant and make out with some random. Then you walk out and the building explodes."

"Who's the random girl?" Shadow questioned.

"I went to find the biggest actress I could," Cream replied, "and slapped her in the face. Then I went lower and shoved her into a wall. And then I went to the lowest common denominator and ripped her heart out. Then, after all was killed and done, I went with one of my workers."

"A desperate one, I'm sure," Shadow commented under his breath.

"Desperate is right," Cream agreed. She then turned 180 degrees on one heel (impressive, I must add" and shouted the following: "BILLYBOB GET IN HERE!"

And so BillyBob came in, in drag nonetheless.

"You know, I never wanted this," BillyBob said, now sounding more like Christopher Walken.

"Are you crazy?" Shadow exclaimed. "There's no way on MOBIUS I'll EVER make out with HIM."

"It's either him or I get Marine," Cream snapped, facing Shadow one again. "And she's currently blind."

"Since when?"

"You have read _Lost by the Sea_, right?" Cream scoffed, getting in her advertisement.

"No," Shadow said. He didn't seem confused, however, because he didn't want to admit that he really liked it.

"So you'll make love to BillyBob?" Cream asked impatiently, tapping her foot, trying to get it to Sonic's speed.

"Sure, sure," Shadow said, going into the bathroom.

"OK then," Cream said happily. "Now let's get this picture started!"

After the usual call of "Didn't you hear me the first time! Roll it!", Shadow came out of the bathroom, went straight up to BillyBob, mustered up all the courage he could and began practising doing it Orall-y on BillyBob's mouth, BillyBob giving back in the same manner Shadow was.

"Hey, what're you-" the actor hired to play BillyBob's husband, who bore a striking resemblance to John Travolta, started, but Shadow flashed him a dark look. "Hey! It's that guy from the game! Please continue groping my wife-in-drag Mr. In Game! Hey everybody, Mr. In Game is groping my wife! This is the happiest day of my-"

"Shut up!" Cream yelled, throwing a random bottle as his head. The bottle was filled with "White Stuff".

Shadow finished the job and walked out, where another crew was recording. Just as Shadow's foot touched the road, the building exploded.

"The f***?" Shadow shouted, ducking for cover. He wondered for a moment while the building exploded, but then realized Cream had been caught in the explosion and began to walk home. He didn't make it far, seeing as Cream was right behind him.

"Excellent take," Cream complimented Shadow. "Thankfully, we don't have to do it again. Now let's move onto the next scene in which-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Shadow interrupted Cream, to which she flew into his face, looking extremely mad.

"NEVER INTERUPPET ME AGAIN, GOT IT?" Cream shouted, going as loud as she could.

Shadow nodded. Normally, he wouldn't have given in so easily but, then again, Cream the Rabbit flew into his face looking as mad as a bunny could, which, when you get down to it, is pretty mad.

* * *

><p>"Next up is one of my favourite scenes," Cream told Shadow. The two were on a rooftop of a random building. "You see, I'm chasing some kind of guy across the rooftop by dangiling from a helicopter."<p>

"Like a puppet?" Shadow guessed.

"You might say," Cream said. "But let's say you didn't and you might live a little longer."

"OK!" Shadow said quickly.

"Well, I'm off," Cream said. She quickly got into the helicopter ("Get to da chopah!" Arnold exclaimed) and it took off as another went off to capture other shots.

"OK, Cream, we're ready for your first shot," the pilot told Cream when they were at the right altitude.

"Whatever," Cream replied, already having the...uh..."thing" on.

"Now jump!" the pilot said when the scene was set to start. He added "Please, miss" when Cream shot him a dirty look.

Cream nodded, jumping out of the helicopter and dangling from it. From a distance, you could hear people singing the following:

I GOT NO STRINGS TO HOLD ME DOWN,  
>TO MAKE ME FRET OR MAKE ME FROWN,<br>I GOT STRINGS, NOW I AM FREE,  
>I GOT STRINGS ON ME!<p>

In case you're wondering who they were, don't. They got their heads blown off.

After that musical moment (and after they started playing "Master of Puppets" in the background), both Cream and the other guy fell ten feet to the ground.

Shadow ran straight to end and looked over the edge. "Are you okay?" he shouted down at Cream.

"I'm OK!" Cream shouted. "It's just that the other guy broke every bone in his body! It's a good thing I wrote out every other scene with him!"

* * *

><p>"Mind telling us why we're in a bordello?" Shadow enquired Cream.<p>

"Well, the other day I just finished watching the movie _Moulin Rouge!_," Cream explained, sitting on a chair near the stage, "And I decided to do something like it. So I had to edit out nearly ten minutes worth of scenes that show the film's brightest points and instead wrote this music sequence!"

Shadow was dumbstruck.

"And to do the music, I got James Horner," Cream continued, slapping Shadow's shocked expression off his face, "the same guy who did the music for _Commando_. I wanted Craig Armstrong and Marius de Vries to do it, but they were too busy. Well, that's what I was told."

"What song did you choose?" Shadow asked.

"I wanted to do a really extravagant version of 'Don't Take the Girl' by Tom McGraw," Cream replied, "But he didn't do anything. I requested music for me just walking and the music was like listening to a the orchestration of a Meat Loaf album."

"So?" Shadow didn't seem really concerned.

"I asked to imagine the scene like it was just me doing nothing," Cream said. "Now onto the scene itself: It comes the heck out of nowhere, it goes on for twenty minutes and then nobody mentions it ever again." Cream saw Shadow's face and, because she felt like doing it, added, "It's to promote my new album."

"What's it called?" somebody asked.

"_Cream as Ice_," Cream said, looking proud.

"Sounds like the Vanilla Ice movie _Cool as Ice_," Shadow commented dully.

"Well it's not," Cream retorted.

"But it does sound like it!" Shadow shot back.

"But it's not!" Cream growled.

"But it-" Shadow started, but he forgot that ever since she got all this power she had a very, and I mean VERY, short fuse.

"_**IT**__** IS NOT!"**_ Cream screamed, making sure it could be heard for miles around.

Shadow shrunk back.

"Now I want you to never make that comparison again," Cream snarled. "ARE WE CLEAR ON THAT?"

"Yes," Shadow said quietly.

"Good," Cream said, looking like the previous scene never happened. Oh, yeah, forgot, she was also prone to being bipolar. Yeah, the meds were having weird effects on her (if you must know, the meds kept her looking "young", or that's at least what she would say) "Now let's shoot this!"

* * *

><p>"Let's get this one done quickly," Cream informed Shadow. "Just p*** against this wall and then light it on fire."<p>

"Whatever," Shadow muttered. Since the previous scene had him tossed out a window by another one of Cream's product placements (some of Karou Land product; "Big the Froggy Hunter" (the frog was under Shadow, sadly)), he didn't really care.

"Exactly, Cream said smugly, going behind the camera. "And~... Roll it!"

Shadow did exactly what Cream wanted: Drank two liters off that healthy drink that only promotes running in that sense thatb you're running to the bathroom, struck a match, got burned on it, tried again and dropped it in the water. There, the water got lit on fire and it spread to a near by Lay's truck. The truck exploded in a mushroom cloud.

"Another explosion!" Shadow exclaimed before flying into the wall.

A moment of silence followed, being shattered by Cream shouting "Cut!" in a fit of ecstasy.

"Now THAT was an explosion!" Cream said, looking totally satisfied. "I mean... Whoo! Yeah!"

"Did we really need another explosion?" Shadow wondered aloud, pulling himself from the wall.

"What do ya mean another?" Cream asked back, trying to calm herself down.

"A couple of paragraphs ago you blew up a restaurant!" Shadow reminded Cream before falling flat on his face.

"That? We're shooting that next week," Cream said, signalling some of her followers, a word which here means "people forced against their own will to help a maniacal rabbit fulfil her goals" or "slave", help Shadow up.

"Then why was that shown first?" Shadow questioned, thanking the people who helped him up after he was done talking

"Because the author is a twit," Cream replied.

"And what was with the Lay's-" Shadow began, but Cream cut him short.

"They didn't let me take them over." Cream shrugged like it was no big deal.

Shadow facepalmed.

* * *

><p>"So 666 really means 999 as in 1999?" the entire cast enquired at once, looking at Cream.<p>

"Duh." Cream slapped her forehead as if it was one of the most obvious things in the world because, let's face it, it's not THE most obvious thing in the world. "But digging really deep into it, there are three 6's and from that you get 3. The first two numbers in 1999 is 19, but you take two away because that's you got rid of to get but you also add one because you added one number to begin with to get 1999, which gives you 18. Nine plus nine plus nine equals 27, but you add the one from 1999, but also take away 3 from the fact that you got the three from the three 6's and you also divide the the number by 5, because you now have 25, to get 5. Also, take the one from the beginning of 1999, which gives you 1. Finally, add all the 6's together to get 18, but you take away 9 because that's the number you got to begin with, but you also add 4 because that's the number of numbers you have in 1999, so you get 13. So finally you have 3-18-5-1-13. Turn that into numbers and what do you get?"

Nicholas Cage looked at his notepad. "3 equals C, 18 equals R, 5 equals E, 1 equals A and 13 equals M," he read, "So the final answer is CREAM..."

"Clever, huh?" Cream asked the cast. "I made it up as I went along."

Everybody groaned, although some people sighed and other muttered sarcastic comments under their breath.

"Hey wait a minute..." Cream murmured, counting heads. "Where the f*** is Dark Gaia?"

"Oh, Ultima pulled her from the project because she technically didn't have to be in it," one guy explained.

"And that would be because?" Cream urged the guy to continue.

"Because she's an UNDERSTUDY," the guy continued, rolling his eyes because what he said IS the most obvious thing in the world. "Unless Shadow can't act, she's free."

"So she thinks she can ditch here, huh?" Cream asked nobody manically. She then laughed evilly she got an evil idea. "Shadow, get over here..."

* * *

><p>"She broke both your legs!" Tails exclaimed, looking at Shadow.<p>

Indeed, both of Shadow's legs got busted. The two were in the hospital, Tails visiting Emo.

"I didn't think the bugger had that much in," Shadow growled, thinking about it and getting angrier the more he did.

"Well at least you got the money," Tails said.

"Actually the money she paid me was used to cover the insurance," Shadow admitted glumly.

"How much was it?"

"Hello, Shadow," Dr. Mario greeted Shadow, coming in with a pill the size of a beach ball. "We're going to have to ask your friend here to leave."

Shadow turned his head to face Tails. "You tell me."

**A/N: Done! I really pushed myself to do the parts with the Lay's truck and the National_ Treasure_ reference. I think they kind of turned out the way I envisioned it. Oh, and I thought of a flaw in your thinking, Ultima. NOW who can be a lawyer! HA! HA HA! I'M FUNNY! REALLY! HA! GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!**

**(Note: The _Moulin Rouge!_ was added in at the last minute.)**


	6. Speed: Find the Connection to It!

**A/N: I have no idea what to say... Just read it and see how weird it is for yourself.**

_**SPEED THE RICH DEPT.**_

Tails looked at the house he was standing in front of.

"I wonder if somebody can explain to me why I'm here?" Tails muttered to himself. He then remembered that he wrote down the reason, so he checked it again. It read the following...

"_You want me to do WHAT?" Tails exclaimed, looking at Sonic like he was insane._

"_I told you, Tails, this guy really wants you to work for him," Sonic replied. "He's willing to pay you a lot of money and, as you know, we really need some."_

"_Well..." Tails thought about it for a moment. "Fine, I'll do it."_

"_Thanks, Tails," Sonic said with a grin. "I'll just give you the address and you can be on your fine way."_

"_Fine," Tails said, grabbing the note and going out the door._

Tails looked up from the note for a moment and thought to himself "Why was I so dang specific?"

But Tails shook off the feeling and went inside the house. The interior was standard, as you might imagine, but you can think it up yourself. Why? 'Cause I'm too lazy to do it myself. You should've figured that out by now.

"Hello? I'm here for the job!" Tails called into the foyer or whatever. Then, out of nowhere, came a strange man Tails thought he'd seen somewhere before.

The man was a taller then Tails, but it was a little hard to tell, seeing as how was swaying back and forth like he was drunk or something. The man seemed to wearing something Slappy the Dummy would wear, with a bow and all. But the strangest thing was his face, of which he had a missing tooth, jug ears, mismatched eyes and smile that seemed to be painted there.

"Oh hello there," the man greeted, sounding delighted and mockingly sweet at the same time. "You're here, well that's wonderful. Come in, come in, you mustn't stand there all day!"

"OK..." Tails muttered, following the strange man. "Say, are you a paedophile or something? Don't take it the wrong way, mister, it's just that you seem like-"

"I can assure you, my dear boy, I am not," the man replied, stopping short and turning to face Tails. "In fact, I can tell you that you have no need to worry around me."

"Oh." Tails didn't feel any better.

"So, come along now," the man told Tails, starting to go, but stopping again. "I almost forgot! Kid, you can call me Alfie. You can also call me Schmuck, but very few people do."

"Why would you wanna be called SCHMUCK?" Tails asked Alfie, looking as confused as you would if you haven't figured it out already (and if you haven't, as Wayne would say, "Get the net!").

"Why would you have two Tails?" Alfie asked back.

"That's not what I'm trying to say," Tails replied, confused, "I was just born with these tails-"

"No radiation? No genetic modifications?" Alfie sounded slightly disappointed, but he just kept on grinning.

"No, I was just born with these tails," Tails repeated himself, but Alfie didn't seem to hear him.

"Are you sure you're not a robot?" Alife questioned Tails, his eyes seeming to get wider.

"No, I was just born this-"

"Stupid?" Alfie finished for Tails.

"NO!" Tails shouted, now really peeved.

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to live with that," Alfie concluded. "Come along now."

Tails slapped his forehead before following him. He now knew why we wanted to be called Schmuck.

"So what do you want me to do?" Tails questioned Alfie.

"Oh, that's right!" Alfie exclaimed, opening the door that was right next to him, accidentally hitting himself in the face. When he got back up, he went in the door and showed Tails what he had to do.

"WAY back during the Summer 2000 Olympics," Alfie explained, "I was chosen to take the torch to Sydney! It did take me a while, but DAMN did it make a good hot dog! More recently, LIFE has called, asking me for the shoes."

"LIFE asked you for your shoes?" Tails repeated slowly.

"Well, it's either me or that bearded guy, William Gaines or something, I dunno..." Alfie replied, going into a mutter for the bit about Gaines. "But anyways, all I want you to do is just make 'im look good as crap!"

"That's it?" Tails looked confused and a little annoyed. "You called me up and all you want is your shoes shined. You could go out onto the STREET and get it done for less! But, then again, they never really do a good job..."

"Whatever, just get to work," Alfie told Tails, walking out. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Prison Island Fake is on."

Tails wondered for a brief moment if "Prison Island Fake" was anything like "Prison Island Break", but he didn't really watch that show, so he got down to work on the shoes. It was pretty easy, for the most part.

An hour or two later, Tails finished the right shoe and got down to work on the left one. He was nearly done, but then he got a Facebook notification (because EVERYBODY on the whole planet has Facebook besides me) and he decided to check it.

**-FACEBOOK INTERMISSION **BEGIN-

**Shadow: **I'm outta the hospital now!

_Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Blaze, Amy and every single one of his fangirls like this._

_-Comments-_

**Sonic:** So for once Dr. Mario did good work?

_Luigi, Bowser, 24 minions of Bowser and 85 other people like this._

**Shadow:** Actually, I have to give all my thanks to Ultima. The pill would've actually slowed down my healing, but Ultima did something to it.

**Ultima:** You're welcome.

**Shadow:** Since when do you have Facebook?

**Ultima:** Since always. Everybody had Facebook.

**Shadow:** Oh.

_513 people like this._

**-FACEBOOK INTERMISSION OVER-**

Tails was about to say something out loud about Facebook but, he did have Facebook, so Ultima was right.

51 minutes later, Tails was finished both shoes and Alfie came in to see how Tails had done.

"Fantastic job!" Alfie complimented Tails. "This looks almost as good as my Poiuyt!"

"You're what?" Tails asked.

"Oh, you know Qwerty?" Alfie replied. "Poiuyt is opposite from that."

"OK then," Tails muttered.

"Yeah, these shoes are good and all," Alfie said slowly, "BUT do you think you could try these on for me?"

"Why?" Tails was confused by the random proposal. "Aren't they going to LIFE?"

"Actually I lied," Alfie admitted, looking like he was really enjoying himself. "Try them on."

"Wait, I know where this is going!" Tails said. "You're gonna force them on me and they're gonna force me to run all the way down to Sydney! I inspected those shoes while I was cleaning them and they have all the right parts. No way in HECK am I trying those on!"

"I know," Alfie said, tossing the shoes over his shoulder.

"You're... Not gonna force them on me?" Tails enquired Alfie slowly. " So I'm not going to do some kind of ridiculously over-the-top shark jumping!"

"Nope," Alfie replied. "You can go."

"Really!" Tails looked relieved, walking out the door. "Finally, a chapter where nothing happens!"

"Yeah, if I hadn't rigged your shoes," Alfie told Tails.

"What?" was the only thing Tails could say before he was suddenly forced to run in the general direction of Sydney with a Sonic-type bang.

When Tails's mind finally caught up to him, which took an hour due to heavy traffic, Tails was in escasty, fright, confusion and anger. Tails would've said something witty about the situation, if not for the fact that he was going at least 300 MPH.

Back at Hotel Sonikku, Sonic looked up in sudden concern.

"Um, what's wrong, Sonic?" Blaze asked, looking a little worried.

"I feel a disturbance in the force," Sonic whispered.

"What force?" Blaze asked. "Is this some kinda lame _Star Wars_ reference?"

"No... It's SpongeBob..." Sonic corrected Blaze.

"You gonna do something about it?" Blaze enquired.

"No... I'm too concerned with this money problem..." Sonic replied in a mutter.

Blaze seemed quite surprised. "Really...? You're not gonna go defend your title or something?"

"Oh please," Sonic scoffed. "If I DID..." Sonic paused for a second to think of a reply.

"You'd be doing something other then worrying over those stupid bills?" Blaze finished for him.

"Exactly!" Sonic exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

Blaze sighed and got back her own list, "101 Reasons Why I Will Never Date Wyatt Evans".

Back with Tails, he was still trying to think straight.

"OK, lemme put this in perspective..." Tails muttered to himself, somehow being able to breath (cause at the speed he's going, he might as well have suffocated). "I'm going really fast, I can assume 300 MPH, to I think Sydney, Australia. Got that, reader? Good. Now how do I know where I am?"

Just then, Tails shot straight upwards with a yelp.

"I'm going up the side of a building," Tails pointed out the obvious. "You probably don't have an idea what happened in _Speed_, do you?"

"I... I DON'T KNOW!" I whined, putting my head down the keyboard and crying. "I don't have any ideas for jokes or anything!"

"Well could you at least do something? Anything, maybe?"

I thought for a second. "I got it," I whispered evilly, turning Auto-Type off.

"Weird," Tails said to himself, now shooting down the other side of the building.

It was a shorter decent then the last one, Tails picking up even more speed. On the ground, Tails felt a small shock and then realized he could steer himself.

"Thanks!" Tails shouted to me.

"Um... OK!" I shouted back.

Tails nodded and quickly dodged the other building by going to the left. Tails tried to slow himself down, but brakes seemed nonexistent.

It took Tails a few seconds to come up with a plant: Rip off Jimmy Neutron!

"Really?" Tails asked me.

"SHUT UP!" I exclaimed, closing all communications.

Tails groaned and made a sharp right. Tails tried to make out something he could use to get out of the Grambi-forsaken shoes he was in, but he couldn't really make anything out. Then he ran straight into a street light. But instead of stopping, Tails had, for some reason, grabbed on to it.

"YOU DIRTY ROTTEN...!" Tails shouted in anger at me, stopping himself short to avoid cussing.

"I'm a mean one, aren't I?" T asked you mockingly.

Tails growled and tried to pry his hand from the lamppost, but they had an iron grip. This trying to pry went on for two hours. Until Tails that his rotations would deplete eventually. They didn't.

"This doesn't make any sense," Tails said to himself. "I shouldn't stopped hours ago!..."

Since I stopped being funny days ago, we skip ahead TWO DAYS.

"This is ridiculous!" Tails begged after getting nauseous for the 50th time. "Please stop me!"

"On ONE condition!" I told Tails.

"ANYTHING!" Tails exclaimed.

"Fine."

Tails suddenely let go and ran face first into the other lamppost.

"If I grabbed the first one.." Tails muttered through clenched teeth before passing out, mostly because of exhaustion.

Tails awoke on his back, in what seemed like the Matrix if it had been run through blue dye.

"Hello, Tails..." a voice greeted Tails. An overly feminine and horny voice. "I have been waiting for you."

"Who are you?" Tails asked, getting on his feet.

"I am that God who gives people elemental powers for no reason what so ever," the voice explained. "I like to be called Veronika."

"OK then... Veronika..." Tails muttered, Veronika sounding awfully familiar to him. "What do you want with me?"

"I'm gonna give you a random power," Veronika said, a random Wheel of Fortune coming out of nowhere. "Spin the wheel."

Tails nodded and spun the wheel. ANYTHING to get this chapter to end.

The wheel spun for what seemed liked three minutes until it finally landed on "Water".

"Oh goody!" Veronika exclaimed. "I've been waiting to give you this!"

"So you rigged the wheel?" Tails wondered, but then got a different question. "So you're giving me a power that contradicts Blaze? You're giving me Sonic's one true fear?"

"I'm giving this to you so that Cream can freeze you solid!" Veronika exclaimed in a creepily cheerful manner.

Suddenly, Tails was hit with two gallons of water, all of it somehow being absorbed by him.

"Well, I'm done," Veronika said. "I'm gonna warp you to you're bed."

"But-" Tails tried to argue, but then suddenly awoke in his bed.

"Tails!" Sonic shouted, running in. "I heard you randomly teleport in here!"

"Yeah, Sonic.." Tails murmured. "Look, Sonic, I-"

"I know you got hydrokenesis!" Sonic exclaimed. "Did you get the money?"

"No..."

Sonic slapped his forehead and walked out.

"You think he'd be more concerned," Tails commented, getting out his bed.

He suddenly shot through the wall at 600 MPH.

**A/N: Yeah, I really was running out of ideas. At least I'm more creative then Plagiarism Factory. Well, that's all I have for this chapter. See you guys next time (good night and good luck)!**


	7. Blaze's in the Sky With Diamonds

**A/N: _Hotel Sonic_! Thou art updating slowly! Well, that's just me. Anyways, hey guys, I'm back from a 3 week hiatus I never told you about 'cause my dad wasn't here (figure that out). I wanna mention something right here, however: the two biggest inspirations for this chapter were _The Mask_ and _Ms. 'Splosion Man_. _The Mask_ gave me the idea to begin with, while _Ms. 'Splosion Man_ was a HUGE contributor (especially the shoe thing)! So without further ado, here's the chapter that has nothing to do with The Beatles!**

_**SGT. VECTOR'S LONELY PLOTS CLUB BAND DEPT.**_

Blaze sighed heavily as she checked through the FanFiction archives. "Why are they so many for me and Silver?" she muttered under her breath. "I mean, I like him, but I like him as I would like a brother." As she scrolled down even further, the fictions got even more ridiculous. "Really? Silver as criminal and yet I _still_ date him? Wow... I mean... WOW..."

"So what're you gonna do about it?" Sonic asked Blaze.

Blaze, looking a little surprised, turned around to see Sonic. "When did you get here?"

"I've been here for..." Sonic checked his watch. "...1 hour, 6 minutes, 56 seconds and 3/100th of a second."

"That's... Oddly specific," Blaze said slowly.

"So what?" Sonic asked, pausing for a second, but then adding, "I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves!"

"That will never be funny," Blaze told Sonic.

"Well, uh, you're, er, MOM, ahm, isn't, muh, FUNNY!" Sonic retorted.

Blaze simply rolled her eyes at that statement and went back to scanning through the Fics. But, it was official.

"I can't believe it..." Blaze sighed. "He really thinks just because he thinks I'm not dating anybody, it's perfectly OK to pair me with that a-hole?"

"STOP MOCKING ME!" Suckitbores21 cried, weeping like no tomorrow.

"Oh grow up," Blaze told him.

After Suckitbores21 was done throwing a fit, Blaze went back to her thoughts. "How can I combat this?" she wondered aloud.

"Hey, everybody has free will," Sonic reminded Blaze, "and if they wanna pair you up with Marijuana head, they can."

"True, true," Blaze agreed with another sigh, "but they don't need to write so many! I mean the plots are getting so ridiculous!

"Like...?"

"In one, I'm a prostitute," Blaze replied with a hint of hate.

Sonic slapped his forehead. "Well just you're a whore in that story, it doesn't mean you're a WHORE-ible person!"

"You got that from the Nostalgia Critic, didn't you?" Blaze demanded Sonic.

"Yes," Sonic muttered, "and I'm very ashamed to have made that pun."

"You had better," Blaze said. "That was painfully awful."

Sonic said nothing in reply, although every nerve in his body was screaming him to make another pun. (If he did, I guess you could say he got NERVE!... I'm going to Hell for that pun...)

"So you have any idea?" Blaze asked Sonic.

Sonic though for a minute. "You could go OOC," he suggested.

"What?" Blaze looked confused.

"OOC... You know, out of character," Sonic explained. "You go on FanFiction and you don't know that term?"

"I..." Blaze began, but cut herself off as she realized she never HAD learned that term. She had learned Yuri, Yaoi, Lemon, Fluff, Hentai, Oral, Torture, AU, every freaking shipping name there is, FC, OC and all those other terms - pause for tension – but she had never learned OOC. "Is it worth it?"

"It's ILLEGAL."

"I'll try it," Blaze said.

"Great, I've always wanted to use this!" Sonic exclaimed, getting out a needle.

"W-what's that?" Blaze asked nervously.

"This? Oh, it's just those little, fake candy syringe needles. I got it for a bargain, too!" Sonic squirted a little in his mouth, but then immediately spit it back out. He whipped out his list and crossed out "#6: Try fake syringe needles" and "#7: Be disgusted by the makers of something".

"So..." Blaze started, signalling for Sonic to continue.

"Tails has the real formula," Sonic finished. He pulled out his iPhone, typed something in it, turned around 180 degrees, put his phone away. and stuck his right arm out.

Tails came in a yellow blur, running face first into Sonic's arm and landing on his back.

"Are you sure that's the ONLY way I can stop?" Tails asked Sonic in annoyance.

"You should feel lucky you can control those things to begin with," Sonic replied. "Anyways, you got the formula?"

"Yeah," Tails said, pulling out a test tube full of red liquid with white stuff floating around in it. "I still can't believe you talked me into making this."

"You owed me," Sonic reminded Tails, taking the tube away from him.

"What for?" Tails asked.

"Turning me into a cat."

"Wait, YOU were that blue cat!" Blaze, in total shock, enquired Sonic.

"You better believe it," Sonic told her. He then walked over to Blaze and thrust the test tube at her. "Drink up."

Blaze took the tube, inspected it, shrugged and downed it all. It tasted weird, king of like Cherry Kool-Aid.

"How was it?" Tails asked Blaze.

"Not too-" Blaze began before blacking out.

Sonic and Tails were quiet for a second.

"DAMN, that stuff works FAST!" Sonic commented.

"Yeah, I guess it'll do that," Tails muttered. "Sonic, you get Blaze into bed, the effects should take place tomorrow."

"Got it." Sonic lifted Blaze up, bridal style like everybody keeps using, and carried her into her room. Tails simply left without uttering a word.

Sonic laid Blaze down in her bed and turned to leave, but looked back at Blaze before he left.

_Aw, she looks so peaceful,_ Sonic thought. _But watch, the next day, it's gonna be as ironic as it can be._

_You bet,_ a voice agreed.

_Shari, what are you doing?_ Sonic asked the voice.

_Um, talking to you?_ Shari replied.

_...Go away..._ Sonic told Shari.

_Fine, fine, spoil my fun..._ Shari said, exiting from Sonic's mind.

Sonic sighed. "I can't believe her..." he whispered to himself, walking out of Blaze's room.

**-THE NEXT DAY-**

An explosion came from Blaze's room.

"IRONY!" Sonic exclaimed, falling out of bed. "I knew this would happen!"

Tails came running in just then, Sonic quickly sticking his arm out to stop Tails. Once again, Tails ran face first into it.

"Seriously!" Tails said, getting off the ground again.

"Look, this is no time for complaining," Sonic told Tails, "Something has happened with Blaze. I knew it would happen, but you insisted on doing it!"

"But you said-" Tails tried to remind Sonic, but he ignored him.

"I mean it's very obvious in comedy, but _NO_, you just had to go ahead with it!" Sonic went on.

"Sonic, shouldn't we-" Tails tried to say, but, once again, Sonic cut him off.

"Really, this thing was unavoidable! And who's bright idea was it? YOUR'S!" Sonic raved.

"Sonic, can we just go see what happened?" Tails asked Sonic.

"Sure," Sonic muttered and the two went into Blaze's room. Nobody was there, but there was a huge hole in the wall, leading out into the city.

"Ten bucks says she caused it," Tails said to Sonic.

"You're on." Sonic quickly inspected the room and I mean quickly. "Well, there's no clear proof. Give me my money."

Tails whipped out his iPhone. "Actually..." he switched it on and showed Sonic security footage. Blaze did, in fact, do it. "It was painfully obvious, I don't know how you didn't know it."

"Whatever..." Sonic murmured before remembering the situation at hand. "Look, I'll go after Blaze, you work on an antidote or something."

"Gotcha," Tails agreed, going off to do just what Sonic said.

Sonic nodded at Tails and ran down to the first floor and out the door. "Now if I was an OOC Blaze the Cat, where would I go?" Sonic wondered aloud.

The very next thing that happened was an explosion from high up on the building across the street.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there..." Sonic answered his own question.

"I'm sorry, you have to phrase all answers in the form of a question," a random passer-by told Sonic.

"What is over there?" Sonic repeated himself, this time in question form.

"There you go," the passer-by said mockingly, patting Sonic on the head before walking off.

Sonic watched the guy walking off before going to the building across the street.

Once Sonic got there, a fiery piece of rubble fell down next to him. It barely missed Sonic.

_Jeez, everything's been trying to kill me in last few chapters!_ Sonic thought. He then added, _Well, not EVERY chapter, but enough to make it SEEM like every chapter._

As Sonic finished his thought, he heard somebody calling to him from the top of building. It went something like, "SONIC! YEAH, YOU! UP HERE! LOOK! COME ON!"

Sonic did look and he saw Blaze, leaning over the edge and waving to him with the biggest grin he had ever seen her have.

"What're you doing up there?" Sonic called up to her.

"Better question! What are YOU doing down THERE?" Blaze called back in a very cheery manner.

"Being sensible!" Sonic replied in a shout. "Now get down here!"

"I don't hafta if I don't want to!" Blaze retorted.

"Uh, yes, you do!" Sonic argued, but then thought about what he said. "Oh wait. I'm wrong!"

Blaze giggled at that. "You're funny," she commented.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sonic muttered, running up to the top floor.

Once he got up there, he noticed Blaze was still looking over the edge.

"Uh, Blaze?" Sonic said slowly. "I'm behind you."

"No," Blaze replied. "You're still down there."

"But I'm standing right behind you," Sonic retorted.

"You're down there," Blaze repeated herself, pointing to where Sonic was standing.

"No, I'm..." Sonic began, but then realized she was under the effects of OOC. So he simply grabbed Blaze's hand and began to drag her away from the edge.

When Sonic's hand grasped Blaze's, her head quickly turned to see Sonic. She looked surprised for a second, but then got then same grin on again and said, "I like you."

"I know," Sonic murmured, dragging her down to the bottom.

Blaze nodded, but then looked around in mild confusion. "Where are we going?" she asked in a curious and somewhat child-like manner.

"Back to the hotel," Sonic told Blaze. "Tails's got an antidote to make you In Character."

"Why? What's wrong with me now?" Blaze asked, suddenly interested.

"Nothing, really," Sonic replied quickly, being careful about what he said, 'cause anything could set her off, "It's-"

"Wait, let me guess," Blaze interrupted Sonic, pulling out of his grip. "Hmm, it can't be how I'm acting, obviously, and it can't be what I'm wearing, since you've seen me like this for months with no problem, OH, maybe it's the, no, another thing you've seen a million times and don't seem tired of, well, maybe, it could be the, no, no, no..." This went on for several. Hours. STRAIGHT! "...my taste in caviar could attribute to whatever it is that could be the problem- I got it!"

"What?" Sonic exclaimed, waking up.

"It must be the shoes!" Blaze stated. "I mean, look at them! So worn out, so dated, so... October 18th, 2007. They don't match what you're going for, kind of a nostalgic 1991 thing, I can obviously tell it touching upon the video game craze of June 23rd, or maybe the fact that _Home Alone_ was really popular then. Mine really don't have the same flair."

Sonic was speechless. Several hours of trying to figure it out... For THAT? Don't give me that look, I know you'd be disappointed, too.

"Stay right here," Blaze instructed Sonic, "I'll be right back with something better."

And before Sonic could argue, Blaze sped off, fire trailing behind her. One guy ran out with a bag of marshmallows and a stick, commenting "Sweet! Road marshmallows!"

Sonic stood there in confusion for a moment, then Tails arrived.

"Sorry it took me so long!" Tails said to Sonic. "First, I got the formula ready, but then I tripped and dropped it, then I made it a second time, but Knuckles drank it and now he's in a coma. The third time, I was ambushed by 5 Hedgehogs, a fox and a wolf, the fox claiming she was my wife! Look, Peridot is not my lover and she will never be!..."

"Tails," Sonic started, "I just had Blaze, but then she ran off."

"Oh..." Tails looked at the trail of fire. "I guess we'll just have to follow her."

"How?" Sonic enquired. "She ran off."

"Uh, she left a trail of-" Tails began, but then Blaze came right back.

"Sorry for being so late but I couldn't find a DeLorean-" Blaze said, stopped mid-sentence when she saw Tails.

Tails saw Blaze's look and was slightly creeped out. Blaze was giving Tails this look of... Grambi, even I can't describe it.

After a long silence, Blaze finally shouted "FLUFFY!" and got Tails in an epic glomp. "FLUFFY! U R SO FLUFFY!"

Sonic and Tails exchanged glances of confusion.

"FLUFFY!" Blaze shouted again. "I LIKE YOU FLUFFY!"

"OK, Blaze, that's nice, you can let go now," Tails told Blaze.

Blaze laughed like a maniac, ending it off by simply saying, "You're so funny, Fluffy."

"You're really not gonna let me go?" Tails asked.

"No," Blaze said. "I like you a lot, Fluffy."

Tails sighed and looked at Sonic.

"Give Blaze the antidote," Tails instructed Sonic.

Sonic nodded and grabbed the antidote. "Blaze?" he spoke up, catching Blaze's attention. "You mind taking this?"

Blaze looked at for a few seconds and then shook her head no. "Looks like **(CENSORED)**," Blaze explained.

Sonic sighed and said, "Look, just take it, Blaze."

"No," Blaze stated, walking off, still glomping Tails.

"Where are you going!" Sonic exclaimed at her.

"The Dropkick Symphony!" Blaze replied,breaking into a run for no reason.

"BLAZE!" Sonic shouted. "Get back here!" Sonic started to chase after her.

**A/N: This story with Sonic, Blaze and Tails will continue the chapter after the next. Why? Because what's going on here is a pointless chase. But don't worry, there will be references to that scene.**


	8. Occupy Hotel Sonic

**A/N: Back from _WTF_! Back from "The Shipping That Should Not Be"! Comes a new chapter of _Hotel Sonic_! I wrote this song while listening to Beatallica (mainly "Hey Dude"). So anyways, this takes place during that pointless chase I mentioned last chapter.**

_**BEING FOR THE BENIFIT OF MS. CREAM! DEPT.**_

"So you're using your 360 one more time before you get that imported one?" Knuckles asked Shadow.

"Yep," Shadow replied quickly, not taking his eyes off of his game. "Once my imported one comes in, I'm giving this one to Sonic as a spare."

Knuckles nodded and continued to watch Shadow. Until Cream crashed through the door.

"YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU MORONS ARE DOING?" Cream exclaimed, going right up to Shadow. "YOU'RE RUINING MY REP!"

"How?" Shadow and Knuckles asked at the same time, exchanging confused looks.

"Well, it's pretty simple, really," Cream spat. "THIS place is in HIGH debt and I'M being BLAMED for THIS MESS for some ** reason!" Cream looked at Shadow. "YOU'RE FAULT!"

"It is NOT!" Shadow shot back. "You're the one who announced to the media that you'd pay us!"

"That's only because Ultima forced me to!" Cream retorted. "I want you two to get me out of this mess!"

"How in the world are we supposed to do that?" Knuckles enquired.

"Start a lawn mower service," Cream replied sarcastically, "I don't know!"

Knuckles crossed his arms. "Why don't YOU help since you're the one who wants to get out of this so bad?"

"Because I'm more important then you," Cream answered calmly. "You two are just my cronies."

Shadow paused his game and looked at Cream. "I will find that video you made and make it available for public download," he started calmly.

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE," Cream growled.

"I already have the file on my computer," Shadow said.

Cream gave another threatening growl and said," Fine. I'll help you two twats."

Knuckles and Shadow nodded and three went over to the table they had.

"So let's think," Knuckles told the group, all of them sitting down at said table unless you didn't know they would. "Anybody got any ideas?"

"I have an-" Cream began, but Knuckles cut her off.

"Ah, ah, ah, Cream, you must raise your hand first," Knuckles said like he was the teacher or something.

"I don't have to do what you say!" Cream argued.

"The video," Shadow reminded Cream.

Cream gave an angry sigh and raised her hand.

"Yes, Cream." Knuckles pointed at Cream.

"I have a damn good idea," Cream said, standing up, "and it is to destroy the competition!"

"That's kind of what we're trying to do," Shadow informed Cream.

Cream gave a wicked smile and said, "Literally."

"That would just make your rep even worse!" Shadow shouted.

"Well, if it did, I would just destroy the media as well," Cream explained. "So, in the end, I win!"

"Well, we can't do that," Knuckles told Cream. "You may sit down."

Cream muttered something under her breath and sat back down.

"Now, I have an idea myself," Knuckles stated proudly. "This one is foolproof!"

"And what would that be?" Shadow enquired, knowing he'd regret it.

"If you look outside," Knuckles continued, motioning towards the window, "You'll notice it's not the best. So my idea is to take this hotel AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

Shadow and Cream stared at Knuckles for a moment.

"That will NEVER work!" Cream exclaimed...

**-SIX HOURS LATER-**

"...And it never will!" Cream finished, leaning against the building.

"I'm just surprised you waited that long to finish you're relatively small sentence," Shadow pointed out.

"I'm just more dramatic that way," Cream explained. "For example: It's everything for me..."

Shadow looked at Cream for a second, before looking back at Knuckles, who would still pushing. After two minutes, he gave up, sitting down with his back to the hotel.

"WHY HATH SPONGEBOB LOGIC FAILED ME!" Knuckles yelled, looking skywards.

"Because you didn't believe hard enough," Shadow muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing," Shadow said quickly.

"So, you haven't given your-" Knuckles began, but was cut off by Cream.

"...And justice for all," Cream said. "See how dramatic that was? I got that from _Harry Potter_!"

"-Idea yet..." Knuckles slowly. "So what is it?

Shadow cleared his throat. "Propaganda!" he told Knuckles.

"That's old," Knuckles commented.

"But's better then your dumb idea!" Cream added. "And better yet, it's my forte! I say we do it!"

"But-" Knuckles started, but Shadow slapped him.

"MAJORITY RULES AND YOU SUCK!" Shadow exclaimed.

"Ow..." Knuckles murmured, before picking up his voice. "But what are you gonna do exactly?"

"Well, all propaganda is, really, is just spreading lies to make yourself look better," Cream explained. She then quickly added, "Which is why it's my forte."

"But how are you gonna do that?" Knuckles repeated himself. "And we're really only over 800 words in? Wow, he must've wanted to get to the propaganda fast..."

"Never mind that," Cream said. "We must start lying!"

"You mean propaganda?" Shadow asked flatly.

"No, I mean we're gonna tell people to stay at Days Inn," Cream answered sarcastically. "Of COURSE we're doing propaganda! What, are you stupid?"

"The tape..." Shadow murmured.

Cream growled for about the ninth time that day. "Well, I'm gonna Facebook lies," she stated. "You two think of other ways."

Knuckles & Shadow nodded.

Cream nodded back and pulled out her iPhone.

**-FACEBOOK TIME AGAIN, MOFO!-**

**Cream:** Don't stay at any other hotel but Hotel Sonikku. All the other hotels offer horrible service.

_~Comments~_

**Michael Bay:** Well that's a flat out lie.

_521 people like this._

**Cream:** There aren't any explosions.

**Michael Bay:** HOW DARE THEY!... Are there explosions at Hotel Sonikku?

**Cream:** There have been.

**Michael Bay:** ** YEAH!

**-FACEBOOK TIME'S OVER AGAIN-**

"So what did you guys come up with?" Cream, putting away her iPhone, enquired Knuckles and Shadow.

Knuckles and Shadow both turned around all dramatic like.

"Out idea is very simple," Knuckles began.

"And it's very simple," Shadow continued.

"All we have to do is write a song supporting the hotel," Knuckles went on.

"We'll hand them out for free."

"And people will listen to it and want to stay at the hotel!"

"See how simple it is?"

"We have a small sample if you wanna hear it," Shadow finished.

"Sure," Cream muttered. "M'impressionner, connard."

"OK then, here we go!" Knuckles exclaimed as the two broke out into song. It went like this...

**-SONG TIME!-**

**Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band  
><strong>**Parody of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by The Beatles  
><strong>**New lyrics by Knuckles and Shadow**

It was twenty years ago today  
>That the hotel got any mon-ay<br>The place is still in style  
>And it really ain't that vile!<p>

So lemme introduce to you  
>The band who wants your money here<p>

It's Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band  
>Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band<br>You have money, we know  
>Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band<br>This is where you family'll go  
>Sgt. Shadow's Empty, Sgt. Shadow's Empty<br>Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band

**-SONG TIME'S OVER!-**

"Stop, stop, stop," Cream told them, laughing like a maniac. "T-that was... That was AWFUL!"

"But we spent two minutes on it!" Knuckles whined. "Please record it. We'll be your best friend."

"I don't need you two," Cream snapped, her laughter dying down. "So, what else have you thought up?"

"Well..." Knuckles and Shadow looked at each other.

"No _I Need You_ parodies," Cream said.

"Aw..." Knuckles murmured.

Later that night, Knuckles Shadow and Cream were watching the news.

"Blaze the OOC Cat is still on the loose, Sonic the Hedgehog in hot pursuit," the announcer, well, announced. "This chase has been going on forever, so we're not covering it any more."

"Man, the news sucks nowadays," Shadow commented.

"Yeah, because you OBVIOUSLY saw the news on ARK," Cream half-agreed.

"Well, you know, back in my day, we didn't have in depth coverage! We just had our imagerations," Knuckles joked, imitating an old man.

"Those **holes were lucky," Cream muttered. "THEY didn't have Keith Olbberman."

"We need to focus more on fanfictions then politics," Shadow said, to which everybody agreed.

A few moments later, the commercial came on and the trio shut up.

**-COMMERCIAL BREAK-**

A piece of cardboard was held up by Shadow with the words "Why Other Hotels Blow" on it. Shadow put the cardboard down and zoomed the camera in on Knuckles, dressed as a manager for Days Inn, and Cream, dressed as a tourist. They were both in a mock lobby with cardboard extras... Yeah, they had a thing for cardboard.

"Excuse me, may I have a room?" Cream asked Knuckles in a more innocent tone then recent years. In fact, it almost sounded like her old self.

"I'm sorry, we're just too full," Knuckles replied in a snobby and posh accent.

"But I need one!" Cream begged. "I'm nearly broke-"

"YOU'RE NEARLY BROKE?" Knuckles exclaimed. "I'm sorry, that just won't do." He then picked Cream up and threw her off of the set.

The scene cut to Cream wandering a random street, earning stares from random passersby, their minds freaking blown.

"Oh, where am I going to find a reasonably priced and nicer hotel then all those others, one preferably endorsed by Cream the Rabbit," Cream wondered aloud.

"That isn't in the script!" Knuckles whispered to Cream from behind the camera.

"Well excuse me for taking a creative liberty," Cream hissed in her normal tone, before clearing her throat, going back to the innocent tone and asking, "Where oh where will I find one?"

Shadow then walked up, dressed like the manager for Hotel Sonikku. "Did somebody say they needed a hotel?" he demanded Cream in a Chinese accent.

"Yes, sir!" Cream chirped.

"Well, then, stay at Hotel Sonikku!" Shadow said, giving a sweep of the arm in the hotel's direction. "Not only are we cheap, but we have a ton of rooms available!"

"Thank you, sir!" Cream said.

Knuckles then help up another piece of cardboard, bearing the hotel's logo (a parody of the _Jurassic Park_, just in case you want to know). "Hotel Sonniku, the only hotel to house Michael Bay, a couple Gods, a demon, Winnie-the-Pooh, a ton of Mary Sues/Gary Stus and the most awesome person ever – me!" Knuckles announced. Knuckles was about to say more, but then re-runs of _Cheers_ came on.

**-ENJOY IT? I DID-**

"Why did it cut to _Cheers_ on the new channel?" Shadow exclaimed.

"This guy," Cream replied, giving Shadow the phone.

"-AND IN ALL MY YEARS, I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COMMERCIAL SO CRAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY DESTROYS THE FINE ARTS, IT OFFENED MY ENTIRE FAMILY! MY SON COMMITED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMERCIAL! WELL, HE ACTUALLY DIDN'T, HE LET ME USE HIS PHONE, BUT IT STILL COUNTS BECAUSE IS VERY MAD... Wait, he's posting it on YouTube and it's got over ten thousand views already BUT IT WAS STILL A HORRIBLE COMMERCIAL! YOU THREE CAN COME AND SUCK MY-"

Shadow hung up on the guy. "Wait a douche," he commented.

Cream nodded in agreement and grabbed her phone back.

The very next day, Cream decided to give it one more try, which was VERY unusual. She was down in the lobby talking to some random guy when Knuckles came by.

"Where the ** where you last night?" Cream demanded as the random guy walked away.

"Putting the commercial on YouTube," Knuckles explained. "Can you believe some douche did it before me? And somebody already autotuned your innocent tone?"

"Well, he's gone now," Cream said quickly, putting a button away. "Anyways, we're sure to get more **ing business now!"

"And how would that be?" Knuckles was expecting something smart.

Cream took out some blueprints and showed Knuckles it. "OK, so that guy I talked to is going to replace out 9th floor, wait for it, a McDonald's!" she said. "It was kind of hard to get his permission to do, seeing as how I had to get the manager's permission first, but he seemed willing to do so after I killed his family." Cream put the blueprints away. "Anyways, think how much business we'll get!"

"That sounds smart," Knuckles started slowly, "Except for the fact that there's a McDonald's right next door, a McDonald's a couple blocks down, a McDonald's on the highway leading here, a McDonald's across the street, a McDonald's in the mall, a McDonald's right under the gym and a McDonald's already our 10th floor."

Cream's eye twitched. "I GIVE UP!" she shouted, storming out. "YOU GUYS CAN LOSE MORE MONY FOR ALL I CARE!"

Knuckles was silent for a moment. He then decided to speak up. "Actually, I recycled the cardboard at a recycling plant and it added up to over $50! We're way out of our debt!" he exclaimed.

Cream stopped dead in her tracks. She very slowly turned to face Knuckles, looking VERY angry. "ALL WE NEEDED WAS $50?" she snarled.

"Nope, all we need was $5.21!" Knuckles exclaimed.

Cream took out a pistol. "I'm giving you five seconds to get back to your room," she growled.

Knuckles nodded and very quickly ran up the stairs.

The fame-obsessed rabbit gave a grunt of satisfaction and walked out of the lobby. And in the background, a song was quietly playing on the radio...

**-MORE SONG!-**

We'd love for you to stay here  
>And if you will<br>We'd like the entire audience  
>To sell their only home<br>So they can stay here alone

This here is the place to go  
>Even though we got nothing to show<br>Maybe a God might come a long  
>But we gotta end this song<p>

So may I introduce to you  
>For a second time to make it clear<br>It's Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band  
>We're still here<p>

**-END CHEEP-TER!-**

**A/N: And that's that! I hope you enjoyed my-somewhat propaganda spoof! Join me next time for when Blaze the OOC Cat finally outwits the Blue Blur! By the way, the b-side to the Sgt. Shadow single is "The Shipping That Should Not Be", just in case you're curious. So anyways, as Edward R. Murrow would say, "Good night and good luck!"**


	9. Fixing a Plothole

**A/N: Last chapter didn't go over so well, right? Yeah... No reviews from anybody. I'm sad. Sadness over. Now onto the chapter! Third in The Beatles Department Name Trilogy!**

_**SHE'S LEAVING HOME (AND TAKING TAILS WITH HER), DEPT.**_

"Well, we finally got away from that guy," Blaze told Tails.

It had been 19 hours since the chase began and Blaze had eventually wore Sonic down at some point (although she didn't stop). Blaze decided to stop after a while at the theatre where the Dropkick Symphony was doing their second showing.

"That's nice, Blaze," Tails said.

"It's Bonnie," Blaze stated.

"Bonnie?" Tails asked dully.

Blaze shook her head yes and let go of Tails, dropping him into a seat. Blaze sat down to his right.

"I feel so awkward right now," Tails muttered to himself.

"It isn't if you like me," Blaze said happily.

Tails opened his mouth to say something, but Blaze shut him up.

"And I don't need your answer because "A", it's not important, "7", I know you like me and "Pi", it's not important," Blaze explained.

"You, uh, said the same thing twice," Tails told Blaze.

"WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SO STUPID?" Blaze shouted, now looking extremely upset.

Everybody in the theatre looked at the two. Even the ticket guy came in to see what was going.

"Uh..." Tails really didn't know how to react, but feeling embarrassed could be a possibility. But he did manage to have enough thoughts to say to Blaze, "I, uh, didn't say you were stupid, I was just pointing out-"

"The lady said your opinion wasn't important!" one guy called to Tails. "Respect her dang wishes!"

"Would you rather have her carry on like this?" Tails retorted. "A 17-year old woman acting like a 5-year old?"

"Not really!" that one guy replied.

"Then just let me calm her down!" Tails told the guy.

"AND GET HER EVEN MORE UPSET?" the one guy exclaimed. "ARE YOU CRAZY!"

Tails slapped his forehead and decided to just ignore that guy.

"Look, Blaze... Um, Bonnie, I didn't say you were stupid," Tails explained, getting back to Blaze. "I was just pointing out that you said the same thing twice."

"OK," Blaze chirped, going back to her creepily-happy-OOC state and focusing her attention back at the front.

_Bipolar much?_ Tails though to himself, also looking at the front.

The show started a few minutes later, Tails constantly having to argue with Blaze whenever she complained. The conductor came out, as well as the performers (who were all wearing protective shoes).

"Good evening!" the conductor greeted the audience. "I am Sgt. Howlitzer."

"Hello Sgt. Henry," the audience (save for Tails and Blaze) replied.

"For tonight's show," Sgt. Howlitzer continued, "we are doing something very special, seeing as how this is our 100th show. We actually have a long history together. If you count 6 minutes a long time. These aren't my regulars; these are random musical people of the area who feel they can do their-"

"You're boring!" Blaze randomly yelled to Sgt. Howlitzer. "You're boring everybody! If everybody meant me! Of which it doesn't! Stop boring everybody!"

Sgt. Howlitzer was quiet. "Um, whoever you are, that was quite rude," he said.

"But it wasn't BORING like you!" Blaze snapped, standing up.

"Of all the shows..." Sgt. Howlitzer muttered. He spoke up for the next bit, "Unless you e quiet, I will have to ask you to leave.

"Oh, sure, 'cause you're gonna be quiet the whole time!" Blaze commented sarcastically. A few people muttered in agreement. But those people are not important in this story or any other story. They were losers.

Sgt. Howlitzer sighed angrily. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he stated.

"What makes you so special? Why do YOU get to stay and yet I don't!" Blaze whined.

"Because I'm the CONDUCTOR," Sgt. Howlitzer answered. "And not only that, I'm not carrying on like a spoiled three year old!"

"Oh, you wanna mess with me!" Blaze demanded Howlitzer. She began advancing towards him, climbing over the seats in front of her.

"Bonnie, don't do this," Tails told her.

Blaze simply ignored Tails and continued forward to Howlitzer, still rambling about why HE got to stay.

"Security!" Howlitzer called and, thus, the security came.

Without giving too much away, people were injured, others were scared for life, Tails was embarrassed beyond belief and Blaze was still OOC. The usual. So anyways, Blaze ended losing and getting thrown out by the security. Tails was kicked out as well, seeing as how Blaze was glomping him again.

"NO!" Tails cried, trying to run back in, but the door shut in his face. He was quiet for a moment. "THAT WAS THE LAST THEATRE THAT WOULD TAKE ME!"

"Why, Fluffy?" Blaze enquired.

"YOU," Tails hissed. "I"m going back to the Hotel." He then walked away.

Blaze grinned at that. "I know why," she said, following him.

Tails got it that fast. "NO!" Tails said, turning around on the spot. "I am only eight. You are seventeen. You date Sonic. I am not doing!"

"You're still funny, Fluffy," Blaze told Tails, giggling like a schoolgirl.

Tails rolled his eyes. "Yeah, OK, I get it," he muttered. "I'm just not doing- WAH!"

While Tails was muttering to himself, Blaze picked Tails up and began to run back to the hotel.

"This is bad..." Tails whispered to himself. "This is very bad."

But just then, Blaze got run over by The Muppets. When they hit, Blaze threw Tails into the air so he wouldn't get harmed. Taking advantage of this, he flew onto the roof of a near by building.

"I never thought I'd say this, but thanks, Kermit!" Tails shouted down to the Muppets before fleeing.

Back on the ground, a curious camera zoomed in on Blaze. A few seconds, there was all static... And the Dr. Eggman.

"Greetings!" the doctor laughed. "You're probably wondering where I am, considering I'd make this fiction 20 times awesome...Er... Well I'll tell you! I've built a time machine and gone back to 1967! If you look closely in the background of _Magical Mystery Tour_, you can see me in all my wonderfulness! So basically, I'm too famous for this. Anyways, we now return you to your regularly scheduled crap."

Some more static later and Blaze is chasing a very frightened Tails.

"GO AWAY!" Tails exclaimed.

"NO!" Blaze yelled in reply. "U WILL MY FLUFFY!"

Tails rolled his eyes. I guess he just decided to get used to it.

"Is there any chance that OOC stuff will wear off soon?" Tails asked Blaze, making a sharp left turn.

Blaze did a fancy spinning turn and answered, "Why would I? I like this so much better, Fluffy."

"Well this couldn't get much worse," Tails muttered, barely dodging another lamppost.

"Yes it could!" Blaze argued, using a random trampoline to jump over the lamppost. "I could get arrested." Blaze stopped dead in her tracks. "That's it! I'll get arrested! You'll be forced to bail me out and then you'll love me!"

Tails quickly ran into a random wooden board held up by balloons. "That is much worse..." Tails agreed quietly, getting back onto his feet, just to see Blaze run off. "This is bad, very bad."

Tails pulled out his phone and quickly dialled the first number that came to mind, which just so happened to be Shadow's.

"Shadow! Help!" Tails exclaimed once Shadow picked up. "Blaze is going to get herself arrested!"

"We can't help right now," Shadow told Tails. "We're waiting for the results of the Golden Fiction Raspberry Awards. _Occupy Hotel Sonic_ has been nominated for Worst Chapter."

"Really?" Tails was surprised that they got nominated for anything.

"Yeah, but the odds are stacked against us," Knuckles, in the background, sighed. "The only other nomination is 'Every Single Chapter of _A Journey to the End_'. Come to think of it, it was also nominated for Worst FC and Worst Shipping. I heard somewhere that Anti-Wyatt, however, won an award for Best FC That's Overshadowed By a Worse One."

"That was a long sigh," Cream pointed out.

"I took my lessons from that guy in _Once Upon a Forest_," Knuckles explained.

"Fascinating," Tails muttered. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some help."

Tails hung up and then dialled a different number, Amy's to be exact.

"What is it?" Amy asked all tired like.

"Blaze is going to get herself arrested!" Tails exclaimed.

"Oh no..." Amy said to herself, but still loud enough for Tails to be. "I'll be right there."

Tails hung up and turned around, only to see Amy standing behind him.

"This is a market, isn't it?" Tails asked blandly.

Amy shrugged and the two went off to get Blaze.

A little while later, they found her, very close to the station.

"She's gonna go in!" Tails stated.

"No, duh," Amy commented sarcastically, slapping her forehead in a mocking manner. "Lets just get her..."

The two went up to Blaze and Amy tapped on Blaze's shoulder.

"You wanna not do this?" Amy enquired Blaze.

Blaze turned around and looked like she was about to tell Amy, but got all quiet instead, looking at the ground.

A few moments of silence later, Tails spoke up, saying, "You OK?"

"You're trying to take him, aren't you?" Blaze hissed, still looking at the ground. "You're trying to take my Fluffy."

Tails was confused, but Amy wasn't.

"We're not doing a parody of," Amy told Blaze sternly.

"Why?" Blaze whined, looking at Amy, slumping her shoulders. "I really wanted to do a parody of that!"

"Look, even though she writes Sonaze, her writing is still very good," Amy explained, "and I respect that."

"What about Wyatt Evans?" Blaze enquired.

"We just don't like him," Amy stated flatly. "Remember?"

Blaze nodded and they started at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"You till gonna kidnap me?" Tails asked Blaze.

"YES!" Blaze exclaimed, grabbing Tails and taking off. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK ME TWICE!"

"Tails! You moron!" Amy shouted, giving chase. "You had to open your mouth! Now we have to have another chase!"

"Don't go chasin' waterfalls," Blaze sang, "please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to!"

Amy growled. "You're ruining TLC!" Amy yelled angrily. "Left Eye would be ashamed!"

"Well..." Blaze muttered. She then stopped and stuck her leg out.

"Hah! I can easily jump that!" Amy boasted, jumping Blaze's leg... And straight into the open manhole.

"That's why I am the smarticalest!" Blaze retorted, walking into the hotel that was right next to her. It just so happened to Hotel Sonikku.

"T-this is awkward..." Tails stammered, knowing exactly what Blaze was gonna do.

"What is it, Fluffy?" Blaze asked, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the top floor.

"Nothing.. It's an implied thing..." Tails answered in a whisper.

"OK!" Blaze chirped.

Once the elevator hit the top, the doors open to... Nothing.

"Damn Twilight Zone!" Blaze shouted, hitting the buttons. "Why does it exist?"

The doors closed again and then opened on Blaze's floor.

Blaze stepped out and announced, "I have outwitted the Twilight Zone!" before going into Tails and Amy's apartment.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Blaze giggled, kicking the couch out the window, with the Simpsons on it. Another one appeared in its place. "I love kicking **!"

"I guess there's no escaping it..." Tails told himself. "Might as well embrace it..."

Blaze dropped Tails on the couch and crouched so she was face-to-face with Tails.

"You know what I want.." Blaze purred.

"I know, I know," Tails said.

"Yes..." Blaze got closer to Tails's face.

Tails closed his eyes and just hoped it would be over soon.

"You think you could give me that cure?" Blaze asked innocently. "I'm bored with myself."

Tails opened his eyes and saw that Blaze was only inches away from his face.

"Kind of an anti-climax," Tails murmured, "but I'll take any way out of this."

Tails pulled the cure out of nowhere and Blaze grabbed it. She opened it and went into the bathroom.

"What..." Tails narrowed his eyes as Sonic came in.

"Great news, Tails!" Sonic announced. "I found $521 in the drain!"

"And?"

"I spent it on a chocolate bar!" Sonic finished before breaking into song: "I got a Golden Ticket, I got a Golden Ticket and it's a golden DAY!"

A few seconds after Sonic finished, Blaze and Amy came out of the bathroom.

"Sonic!" Amy said loudly, going over to Sonic. "Did you get my money?"

"No..." Sonic muttered. "Wanna bite of the chocolate bar I spent the cash on?"

"No, I'll have it all," Amy snapped, grabbing bar eating it quickly.

"You realize you can't eat any dairy products, Amy?" Blaze reminded Amy.

Amy sighed and went back into the bathroom. "I'm going to hospital," she said, accompanied by a toilet flushing. "Damn, it clogged!"

Sonic looked at the bathroom, then at Blaze. "How are we gonna finish this chapter when THAT just happened?" he wondered aloud.

"Simple," Blaze replied. "Just end it."

**A/N: And that's it! I'm sorry for taking so long, it's just that I had writer's block, kinda. And don't worry, I'm trying to finish the next chapter of _Super Paper Sonic_. So, as I always quote, "Good night and good luck."**


	10. He Who is Not Trained to Spit on the Fan

**A/N: If your OC in this, don't be offened.. Unless you're the ** who wrote _My Immortal_. In case your wondering why I included, go see _A Goth Reads My Immortal, Immortal Crack_ or _MST3k II_. Anyways, now for the chapter who's sole purpose is to introduce FOUR (4) minor characters!.. Yeah. And in case it doesn't show up, the full title is _He Who is Not Trained to Spit on the Fan-Character_.**

_**KICK THE FAN-CHARACTER DEPT.**_

"Hey, Blaze, you ever feel like we're missing something?" Sonic asked Blaze.

"No," Blaze replied, scrolling down even further through the fictions. "Why?"

To get this out of the way quickly, Blaze was sitting at the table checking through fanfictions (AGAIN) while Sonic was pacing. There, I said it. No onto the fiction!

"Well, we got what most fanfiction writers have," Sonic explained. "Us, a plot, a couple chapters, a couple subscribers, a couple favourites, some reviews... But I feel like we're missing something REALLY important and REALLY stupid!"

"The humour?" Blaze suggested sarcastically. "There's been a definitive lack of it."

Shadow came crashing through the wall. "IF YOU EVER MENTION _OCCUPY HOTEL SONIC_ EVER AGAIN...!" he threatened.

"I'm also referring to the last chapter, Emo," Sonic snapped. "And, by the way, shouldn't you be getting back to ordering your stupid X-Box 360?"

"Already ordered it," Shadow said. "We're 500 dollars in the hole."

"What? You spent 500 dollars on something you already have!" Sonic exclaimed.

"That was just the cost of shipping the damn thing," Shadow muttered. "The guy on eBay demanded 200 dollars for it."

Sonic went over to a wall. "Hello, wall, this is my head, meet," he said before slamming his head against the wall.

"Get out of here, Shadow, we're doing something important," Blaze told Shadow.

"And what would that be?" Shadow enquired, crossing his arms.

"Advancing the plot," Blaze answered. "Now get out of here."

"Well SOMEBODY'S OOC today..." Shadow whispered to himself, going through the wall. A couple moments later, he popped back out and said, "By the way, it's probably gonna cost 300 dollars to repair this wall... Yeah, in retrospect I shouldn't have done this."

Sonic gave Shadow a death glare.

"If it wasn't for your fangirls, I would STRANGLE you!" Sonic growled.

"Hey, I can survive falling from FREAKING space-" Shadow argued.

"Albeit losing your memory," Amy added under her breath, walking behind Shadow.

"-I don't think your threat's gonna do much," Shadow finished, going back through the hole.

Sonic growled again and went back to pacing.

"So, now that we're done with completely random detour," Blaze stated, "how about you continue telling me what you think is missing?"

Sonic was silent for a moment. "We need a fan-character," he said quite calmly.

Blaze facepalmed. "NO," she muttered.

"Come on! Every other big fiction has at least one!" Sonic complained. "Even _Beating Sonic Heroes_ has one! And he's awful!" Sonic thought for a moment before adding, "Actually there's two, Anti-Wyatt isn't as bad as the other one."

"Both are awful," Blaze retorted. "We're not getting one."

"Well, it's too late anyways; it's in the description," Sonic sighed. "Or we could do that _The Hunger Games_ parody..."

"What are you waiting for?" Blaze, halfway to the door, asked.

"Just let me Facebook this," Sonic told Blaze

Blaze nodded and Sonic whipped out his iPhone.

**-FACEBOOK TIME ONCE AGAIN!-**

**Sonic:** We're going to get a fan-character for our fiction... You hate us, right?

_27,000,00 people decided not to like this_

**-FACEBOOK TIME'S OVER? AW...-**

"OK, I rounded everybody up," Blaze told Sonic.

"Why?" Sonic enquired. "We can leave them here."

"Have you SEEN the damage they've done!" Blaze shot back. "I might as well light the place on fire!"

"We wouldn't do that!" Knuckles argued. A few moments later, he whispered to Shadow, "We'll have to save that for another time."

"We never agreed on setting fire to this place," Shadow hissed.

Knuckles smacked Shadow upside the head. "YOU STUPID!" he exclaimed. "_**YOU STUPID!**_"

Much later, on the edge of town, the group approached a prison. The front read "Mary Sue/Gary Sue Penitentiary". A smaller sign read "Vacancy".

"You think this is the place?" Sonic asked Blaze.

"No, I think they're hiding out at the McDonald's we passed way back there," Blaze replied sarcastically, pointing back down the road.

"You know, I did see a recolour there..." Amy muttered. "I'll go check!" And off she ran.

"Get me a root beer while you're there, OK?" Knuckles called after her.

"Look, can we just go in?" Tails enquired. "This place is giving me the creeps."

"It's worse on the inside," said a green cat coming out of the front door.

"Charge!" Blaze exclaimed, going up to him. "What are you doing HERE?"

Charge shrugged. "I need something to do while I'm waiting for my creator to update..." he answered. "So you're here to get a fan-character?"

Everybody nodded, but Shadow took a step back.

"You're afraid Poison's here?" Sonic enquired mockingly.

"K-kinda..." Shadow stammered.

"C'mon, take the snake bite," Sonic joked.

"I don't get it..." Shadow muttered. "Could you explain it?"

"Oh my... IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE JOKE, THERE IS NO JOKE!" Sonic shouted.

"Guys, I'm back!" Amy said. "Here's your root beer, Knuckles."

"Thanks," Knuckles said. He took a sip and then spit it out. "This is Coke! You went through the drive-thru, didn't you!"

"They wouldn't believe me when I said I was just passing by," Amy admitted.

Knuckles sighed and threw the rest of it at Amy. Amy caught every drop in her mouth.

"Well, not that that's done," Charge sighed, "come with me."

Charge went inside and everybody followed.

Inside the prison, it was a lot drearier. It was also very quiet. Two-floors to boot.

"Now be quiet," Charge whispered. "If they know you're here, they're gonna freak."

"But won't they see us anyways?" Sonic asked quietly. "We're going up to them and staring at them like this is a freaking zoo!"

Charge blinked and then said, "Dang, I didn't think this out that well."

"So, now what?" Tails asked.

"Good luck," Charge replied, going off to do something.

The group stared at each other and silently decided to go off in groups. They were Sonic & Knuckles, Tails & Shadow and Amy & Blaze.

With Sonic and Knuckles, they found one that didn't seem to cliche. It was a recolour, sure, but it seemed like it would do the job quite nicely.

"So, what's your name?" Knuckles asked the recolour.

"Qui," Qui replied.

"Qui? From _WTF_?" Sonic enquired. "So now we're doing a crossover? How does that work? Does _WTF_ take place before or after this?"

Knuckles slapped Sonic.

"You were digging way too deep into this," Knuckles explained calmly.

"Well excuse me for pointing simple logic..." Sonic muttered, rubbing as close as he could get to the back his head (remember, the quills).

"Hey, is Silver ever gonna be in this?" Qui enquired.

"No," Sonic and Knuckles answered at the same time in the same monotone.

"Oh..." Qui looked sad, then angry. "Why not?"

"I don't feel like explaining it..." Sonic murmured. "Knuckles, how about you?"

Knuckles shook his head no and the two walked off.

"Hey, do you think anybody's gonna read _All You Need is Dumb_?" Sonic wondered aloud.

"Maybe when it's updated in Korean.." Knuckles replied with a shrug.

With Tails and Shadow, the emo-hog had his eye on a certain Mary Sue.

"Please state your name," Shadow said flatly.

"Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Black Black Black Way," Ebony said. "And I'm a vampire goth witch."

"Really?" Tails was confused. "You don't LOOK like a goth."

"But my skin is pale," Ebony argued. "Plus, I am a sex object, like every other girl in the world. Plus, my skin is pale."

"Gee, never would have guessed..." Shadow commented sarcastically.

"What, that every girl I know is a sex object?" Ynobe quipped inquisitively. "Also, my skin is pale."

"We get it, your skin is pale!" Tails exclaimed. "Why are you here?"

"Because the poseurs don't think I'm goth," Ehony replied. " In my opinion, people (my skin is pale) who don't like MCR are stupid."

"Well, YOU are a poseur..." Shadow reminded 3b0ny.

"No I'm not!" Ebovy said. "I'm just (my skin is pale) goth."

"Darling, you give goths a bad name," Tails somewhat quoted. "And if I remember correctly, you're quite cheery for a goth."

"I (my skin is pale) am a goth!" Enooy repeated herself in a monotone. She then added, "My skin is pale."

"Augh, I can't stand it!" Shadow shouted. "Your stupid 'I am iz are goth' thing is giving me a headache!"

"Just like Dumblydore and Hairgrid!" Enoby pointed out.

Shadow's eye twitched. Griping, he dragged Tails away from the vampire goth witch poseur.

"You're just preps!" Ebony complained (gleefully, for some odd reason). "PREPS!... My skin is pale."

With Blaze and Amy, they came across a rather odd Mary Sue.

"So, who are-" Blaze began, but was cut off by the Mary Sue.

"I'm Aummie!" Aummie said a very hyper way. "I'm supposed to be in another fiction, but I'm not, I'm here and I know you guys, one of you dates Silver, I'm sure it's the cat, what about you, I don't care, I sound like I'm in a fiction by Yoshi 2.1, say, why am I, I haven't been in anything, you notice how odd the colour purple is, I'm so horn-"

"Shut up!" Blaze told Aummie. "First, off you look like Sally. Second, you're annoying because you never shut up. Third, I'm not dating Silver. And fourth, we're leaving now!"

Blaze walked off in a huff, Amy following behind her.

"Shortest encounter with a Mary Sue yet, eh?" Amy asked Blaze.

"Yea," Blaze replied. "Plus, we're switching over to Gary Stus now."

"The perverts?" Amy enquired.

"You sound like Ebony..." Blaze muttered.

Back with Knuckles and Sonic, they found a Gary Stu.

"I told you we should have looked under the S's first..." Knuckles reminded Sonic.

Sonic flicked Knuckles and asked the Gary Stu it's name.

"Stephen," he growled. "And I'm **ing **ed because I ALMOST won _ULTIME TIME DARE CHALLENGE_..."

"Oh crap, obvious plug!" Sonic yelled, running around in circles. He then calmed down and asked, "Who'd you lose to?"

"This mixed breed **er..." Stephen said. "He's a real **hole."

"Well then..." Knuckles stated calmly. "We don't use that much swearing!"

"What about Blaze in the first chapter?" Sonic wondered aloud.

"That's OOC swearing," Knuckles corrected Sonic. "It's different... So, Stephen, what's your shipping?"

"Me and Amy," Stephen replied.

Knuckles dragged Sonic away.

"Why didn't we pick him?" Sonic asked Knuckles in a slightly peeved way.

"He'd interfere with another shipping," Knuckles deadpanned.

"What s-" Sonic began, but the transition cut him off.

Meanwhile, Tails and Shadow found another odd Gary Stu.

"We seem to be getting lucky in terms off oddness," Tails commented.

"I agree," Shadow agreed.

"I didn't know," said that kid from the Intellevision commercial.

"Get out of here," Shadow told the kid. And off the kid went.

"So, what's your name?" Tails asked the sparkly man.

"Edward Cullen," Edward said in the same monotone as Ebony.

Tails nearly threw up. "F-from _Twilight_!" he stammered in fear.

"Yeah? So?" Edward continued his monotone. "I'm only a vampire."

"We ran into oddness, vampires, humans and people NOT from Sonic!" Tails pointed out the obvious.

"I didn't know," the kid from that Intellevision commercial said.

"Didn't I tell you to go away?" Shadow asked the kid again. After the kid went away, he looked back at Edward. "Do we even have to ask you?"

"No," Edward murmured. "Go on. I'm just a sparkly vampire."

"OK..." Tails rolled his eyes and walked away with Shadow.

With Amy and Blaze on the second floor, they really hadn't found anybody worth looking at.

"So, do you think we should give up?" Blaze asked Amy.

"When have you ever given up?" Amy retorted.

"Right now," Blaze snapped. "This is ridiculous. We can't find a single good OCs! Well, at least we haven't seen the really bad ones..."

"Like what?" Amy enquired.

Blaze was about to answer Amy's question, but she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Her face filled with a mixture of horror, glee, anger and a little constipation.

"THAT," Blaze said bluntly, going over to a cage with a window instead of bars. Behind the glass was non-other then the a-hole himself, Wyatt Evans.

"So, I see your finally behind bars," Blaze bragged, putting hand to hip, trying to be cool.

"Do you know how many of my reviewers tried to save me?" Wyatt growled. "However, ONE ** SAID I WAS GUILTY-"

"The author?" Amy wondered.

Wyatt simply nodded.

"Don't forget, I had something to do with it," some reminded Wyatt.

"Who just who might you be?" Blaze asked the voice.

The person behind the voice revealed herself. "Mary Sue IX," Mary replied. "Head of the Mary Sue/Gary Stu division in Sonic fanfiction."

"Well, that's nice..." Amy muttered sarcastically.

"So, what are you here for today?" Mary asked the two. "A fan-character?"

"Duh!" Blaze and Amy answered in unison

"Well, I am very sorry, but today's batch is not good for fanfiction," Mary admitted. "Come back later."

"Oh..." Amy looked a little upset, but Blaze looked relieved.

"OBJECTION!" another voice exclaimed. A mixed-breed fan-character (FYI,Tails's overall build (one-tailed), Gamma's gun, Rouge's wings, Blaze's jewel-in-forehead, Shadow's shoes, Knuckles's knuckles and Silver's glove) and one resembling Marine (albeit gray furred) ran up to Amy and Blaze. The mixed-breed didn't stop in time and crashed into Blaze, knocking both of them over.

"Blaze!" Sonic shouted, running over to Blaze, Knuckles following suit. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," Blaze groaned, tossing the fan-character off of her and getting up. "So, anyways, who's this?"

"Jamie E. Neuman!" Jamie said, quickly getting onto his feet. "And here beside me is a satirical fan-character. Say hi, Ringo McHarrinon." (Mary was muttering cusses under her breath. They really freaking annoyed her and this was the 27th time this week they escaped their cages.)

Ringo gave a small wave before Jamie continued: "We will volunteer for your fiction!"

"What's your history?" Sonic asked, Shadow and Tails showing up.

"Well, I have a minor role in _The Darkness Rising_, I starred in _New Brawls With New Fighters_ before it was cancelled," Jamie listed, "I lost _ULTIMATE TIME DARE CHALLENGE_, I signed up for _OC Hotel_ AND I was gonna be in _Other Smash Mansion_, but it was cancelled."

"I'm a parody of a character from _True Love Worth Fighting For_!" Ringo said gleefully.

Sonic nodded and the group went into a huddle. Hours later, they came out of it.

"We have reached a verdict," Sonic told Jamie and Ringo.

Jamie crossed his fingers and Ringo looked like she was about to ** herself.

"We hate you both," Sonic said bluntly.

Jamie facepalmed with the gun and fell backwards over the railing. Ringo groaned.

"But, since we're really desperate to get out of here," Sonic continued, "we'll take you two anyways."

Mary facepalmed, Jamie said "** YEAH!" and Ringo squealed in appreciation. Then she hugged Sonic.

"Thank you..." Ringo said to Sonic.

"Kid, how old are you?" Blaze asked.

"I'm nine," Ringo replied. "Jamie's 14."

"I'm OK, don't anybody come down here to check on me!" Jamie yelled. "I only have a broken leg which will heal by next chapter!"

Sonic pried Ringo off of him and told her to never do it again. Ringo sort of blanked out during it, but she nodded anyways.

"Well, this chapter's over..." Sonic said to everybody. "Shall we go home?"

The Hotel Sonic group nodded and they went back to the hotel, Ringo by their side.

"...WHAT ABOUT ME!" Jamie exclaimed. "DOES ANYBODY CARE ABOUT ME?"

"I do," Ejony said, popping up out of nowhere.

Jamie looked wide-eyed at Ebonhe for a second and then screamed, "POSUER GOTH!"

Egonhy rolled her eyes. "Prep..."

**A/N: Weird chapter, eh? But this isn't different from my other crap. So, anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I would like it if you told me what you think of Jamie and Ringo so far. You don't have to, but... I want you to. Anyways, this is That Gamer saying, "Bonum notce et fortuna."**


	11. This Chapter's Avant Garde

**A/N: I have no idea why I decided to do this. I was just reading Ask the Sonic Girls and I came up with this... This is an experimental chapter, mind you... OH, **, I'M TURNING INTO YOKO ONO!**

_**I GOT THE MOVES LIKE FALCON, DEPT.**_

"Blaze, come over here."

"What is it, Tails? I'm trying to finish my list."

"Give it up. You're never gonna get through that thick wall of stupid. Just come over here."

"Fine, fine. What do ya want?"

"Wanna do something with me?"

"If you're thinking what I think you're thinking..."

"No! I'm not thinking that! That's disgusting!"

"That Guy in the Background doesn't think it's disgusting."

"Oh. You still wanna do something?"

"Sure. Sonic's gone off somewhere, Jamie's still trying to find the hotel, Amy's locked herself in her room, Shadow's moping on the roof, Ringo's doing whatever and Knuckles is out trying to get Tikal to forgive him."

"You think Tikal ever will?"

"Unless Knuckles can get the Master Emerald back."

"Yeah, he's not gonna have much luck."

"Agreed. I had a random thought. Wanna use your Wii? I mean, you got it three months ago."

"OK. I got it hooked up right here."

"When?"

"You do you really care?"

"No. Say, why hasn't there been any descriptions between these sentences?"

"The author's trying to parody Ask the Sonic Girls and failing miserably."

"Respect me!"

"I'm gonna assume the author said that and not you, Tails."

"OK. So, what should we play?"

"I've heard that Epic Mickey's a good one. Sadly, it's one-player only."

"Yeah, that's bad. How about Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Sonic's in it."

"Why not?"

"Mm-hm. You gonna use the Wii Remote or the GameCube controller?"

"GameCube. Hey, why is Sonic in this game and yet nobody else is?"

"Actually, Knuckles, Silver and I can be seen in the background of Sonic's stage."

"I mean, why isn't anybody besides Sonic playable?"

"I really don't know."

"So should we just not care and play?"

"OK. Who are you picking?"

"Mario. He's the only other pyrotechnic I know of, besides Luigi. You?"

"I'm hydroechnic."

"No, I mean who are you picking?"

"Me? Um.. ROB."

"Why the robot?"

"Because I wanna."

"You know his Japanese name is FCR and, when you pronounce it, it sounds like-"

"I know how it sounds, please don't repeat it... Please."

"Sure. Wanna throw in a CPU or two?"

"Nah. Let's have a match to ourselves, then let's throw in one."

"Who?"

"Make it random. Either that, or Captain Falcon."

"Have you ever seen that one Let's Play? You know, where that guy always says it as CAP-TAIN FAL-CON."

"No."

"I should show it to you sometime. What stage?"

"Green Hill Zone."

"Wow, that's wasn't predictable."

"S-shut up!"

"Anyways, let's go."

"Two minutes is all we got."

"I won't go easy on you."

"I don't want you to."

"Pfft - fine."

"..."

"..."

"Man... Blaze, you're relentless!"

"I told you I wasn't gonna go easy on you. And don't you dare think about camping out near the lamppost."

"Thanks for the idea!"

"Ah! You two-tailed jerk!"

"Heh. Y'know, this is kinda surreal to me."

"How so?"

"I really don't know. This's just kinda surreal."

"If you were playing as Sonic, maybe... Hey, you remember the Smash Tournament?"

"No."

"Me neither. By the way, another KO for me!"

"You distracted me!"

"You brought up the topic of this being surreal and I took ad- Smash ball!"

"Hey, you're ahead by TWO, could at least me get this one?"

"And rain terror upon with your dinky little Diffusion Beam? Yeah, right."

"I should've thought about this more."

"You should've... Got it!"

"Oh... This is bad."

"You bet it is! Mario Finale... Go!"

"I've gotta admit.. That's a pretty nice Final Smash."

"Agreed... And I'm ahead three."

"Dang... And it's time."

"And this game's winner is... ROB?"

"Heh, you didn't realize that the whole reason I brought the surreal topic was to distract you. I got five KOs."

"You're evil."

"I know. Wanna put in a CPU?"

"Sure. And let's turn items off."

"Why? You wanna take the chicken way out?"

"NO! In my mind, items are really cheap and, if you don't know how to use them, can really handicap you. If you can battle without items, you're a real fighter."

"Fine. But we're keeping Smash Balls."

"Set it on low."

"Aw..."

"So, what stage should we do now?"

"I picked last time. You pick."

"Fine... Hm... 75m."

"The Donkey Kong stage, eh?"

"Yep."

"OK, so here we go.."

"Hey, it's Captain Falcon!"

"Why is he pink?"

"Because Captain Falcon is here for you, ladies."

"But, you're the only one here."

"Yeah. Hey, look, Captain Falcon wants to show you his moves."

"Gah! Get away! Go after Blaze, I'm just a robot!"

"Are you really?"

"I'm a Robotic Operating Buddy!...Aw."

"You couldn't handle his moves."

"And then you KO Falcon."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious."

"What's that sound?"

"Oh, that signals that DK's coming out."

"What?"

"I've played this game before. Just make sure that don't touch the springs."

"OK I- YOU HIT ME AND FALCON RIGHT INTO ONE!"

"That's why I picked this stage! Ha-ha... I love doing that."

"OK, that's it..."

"Oh no, the **er's coming after me."

"YOU SAID IT!"

"Wait, what- Smash Ball! Where did you get it!"

"Now you're gonna get it! Now you're gonna- Falcon! H-he hit it outta me!"

"That can happen! And he got it! Make sure he doesn't hit you!"

"Why?"

"Falcon Drive- HE HIT ME! HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN!"

"Karma."

"We're taking this way too seriously. It's just a game."

"I know. What do ya wanna do after this?"

"Um... Sonic's gonna come back soon. I'm should get back to my list of reason why I'll never date Wyatt."

"OK... Falcon KO'd me."

"And it's time."

"...Sudden Death?"

"Between me and Falcon? Huh... Well, this'll be ea- he KO'd me."

"At least you got second."

"Better then nothing, I suppose. I gotta get back to my list."

"I gotta catch up on some Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity."

"You do that."

"I'm back!"

"Hey, Sonic.

"Hey."

"What did ya do while you were out?"

"Nothing. I just stood outside the door and waited for the chapter to be done."

"Oh. So you can cross '#10: Stand outside and do nothing' off of your list, can't you."

"You bet I can!... Hey, Tails, when did you get a Wii?"

"I've had it for three months."

"Why is it hooked up to my TV?"

"Sonic, it's OUR TV."

"I know, Blaze..."

"Look, I'll just bring it over to me and Amy's apartment. Would you like that?"

"Very much."

"OK. Bye, Sonic."

"OK, bye... What are you laughing about, Blaze?"

"Nothing... Except that you couldn't handle his moves."

"You gonna bring the Smash Tournament up again?... You know what? Tails, get back here!"

"What is it?"

"I gotta prove to Blaze I can handle his moves."

"Five bucks says you can't."

"Deal."

**A/N: Shortest chapter of Hotel Sonic since the first chapter. Well, I hope you enjoyed... Or at least survived. So, anyways, "Bonum notce et fortuna."**


	12. Tails And Blaze Read Project XXX

**A/N: This was GONNA be a parody of Yoshizilla's fart stories (entitled _This Chapter is Also Avant Fart_), but I randomly decided to read _Sonic Project XXX 3_ and all I have to say is... Sweet Grambi! I guess this chapter is a slight parody of _Silver & Knuckles Watch the Wall_ and those _2 Girl 1 Cup_ videos you see all over YouTube. Also, here's a spoiler alert: This is a short chapter.**

_**THE LOVE YOU MAKE... DEPT.**_

The web-cam turned on. Blaze and Tails were in Tails's room.

"Hey," Blaze greeted. "Ever since last chapter, we've been doing nothing, but the author's been begging us to read Sonic Project XXX, what ever that is."

"I really hope it's nothing too bad," Tails admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Seriously."

Blaze laughed. "Me, too," she agreed. "Let's just get this over with."

**[COVER]**

Blaze clicked an unseen link (it WAS a webcam) and brought up the "cover". Needless to say, both of them had to repress the urge to throw up.

"W-what is that?" Tails asked, pointing at the screen.

"It's Amy," Blaze replied, stating the obvious. "But my question is, why are we acting this way? We've seen this shot at least a dozen times before."

Tails nodded and he clicked the link the the first page.

**[PAGE 1]**

"OK, so on this page, I'm working on I think my TV," Tails explained, "and Amy's there. I tell to get something and we get that shot again. I get really worked up about it, for some reason."

"I've seen your reactions to shots like this before," Blaze teased. "Don't act like this is any different."

Tails sighed. "You're right," he muttered. "But... Look at it!"

Blaze looked at it for a second before saying, "You're right, it's NEVER looked like that. Are all fan comic writers like this?"

"I think this is what they call Rule 34." Tails wasn't too sure on the term. Blaze was and she was very curious to know why Tails knew such a term. At least he never turned SafeSearch off on Google, that's for dang sure.

**[PAGE 2]**

"See? Even this Amy is wondering why you're like that," Blaze stated.

"See really doesn't know why, though," Tails argued. "I'm not that kind of person. I'm only 9,"

Blaze scoffed. "From what I've heard about this..."

"You've heard about this?" Tails enquired, looking at Blaze.

"Yeah, but I've never actually seen this," Blaze replied. "Let's just continue... Just to see the same shot again!"

"And that..." Tails added, pointing to what he was referring to.

Blaze stared wide-eyed at it, then at Tails, then back at the picture and then back to Tails. She did that for a while and eventually had to be stopped with a slap across the face from Tails.

"I don't know what goes on in your mind..." Blaze said slowly, sliding a few inches away from Tails.

"I don't think like that!" Tails exclaimed. "It's just these weird artists and writers!"

Blaze rolled her eyes.

**[PAGE 3]**

"What would Amy want me for?" Tails wondered aloud. "Consider what I've thought before this, my thoughts are, admittedly, kinda childish."

"That's 'cause you are..." Blaze muttered. Then she saw the next panel. "Hell-o Pinocchio's_ Revenge_!"

Tails looked at Blaze all confused like. "What?"

"Oh, it was some movie Sonic and I watched," Blaze said. "It was pretty bad. And the reason why I refer to it is that there's one scene with nudity early on in the film, which is heavily censored, but then there's an explicit one later."

"Well, I never wanted to watch it anyways..." Tails stated. "Mainly because I've never heard of it before now. Can we just continue?"

"Sure..."

They read the rest of the page and then came to a conclusion.

"It's an Tails/Amy story!" Tails yelled, putting head to whatever the laptop/computer was on.

"Considering what I've heard about this..." Blaze started.

"I'm starting to wonder if you've actually read this and just won't tell me!" Tails interrupted.

"I haven't!" Blaze reassured Tails.

**[PAGE 4]**

"So I head into Amy's room," Tails narrates, "and the lights are off. Then the lights are turned on and the door is shut and I look behind me-"

Blaze started snickered. "Lookit your face..." she muttered.

"It's not that funny," Tails said bluntly.

"Different strokes, different folks," Blaze quoted, trying to calm herself down. "Let's just move onto the next pan- I've got a bad feeling about this."

"I knew this had something to do with Rule 34..." Tails said.

"Seriously, how do you know what Rule 34 is!" Blaze asked again.

"The internet." Tails shrugged.

**[PAGE 5]**

"I know for a fact that I'd be worried," Tails told Blaze. "Why would I be so calm? SHE HAS NO CLOTHES ON!"

"Well, that's obvious," Blaze murmured.

"I'm betting Bonnie would hate this," Tails said.

Blaze looked all confused like at Tails.

Tails noticed Blaze's look. "Don't worry. It's all in your mind ya know," Tails quoted _Yellow Submarine_. "Let's just go on... I know what she wants."

"We can't be sure," Blaze reminded Tails. "But then again, we can."

They read on, muttering stuff like "This is obvious", "We're gonna be surprised for no reason" and "It's getting so much better all the time".

**[PAGE 6]**

Tails and Blaze both looked shocked.

"We k-knew it was c-coming..." Tails stammered. "But still..."

"Yeah," Blaze whispered in agreement. "But what's that? Up there? That photo?"

Tails looked at the last panel on the page and, sure enough, he saw it. "What is that?" he asked, confused as all heck.

"I dunno," Blaze answered. "How much you wanna bet we'll never find out?"

Tails shrugged and Blaze nodded.

**[PAGE 7]**

"Oh my goodness," Tails said. "Oh my actual goodness."

Blaze followed suit, by also saying "Oh my goodness." But they both said it for different reason. Tails for what he was about to do to Amy in the comic. For Blaze, it was the fact that Tikal showed up.

"How did she get in!" Blaze enquired, horrified.

"I thought you would know!" Tails yelled back. "Blaze, you've read lemons! Are they really THIS bad?"

"For one, you shouldn't read lemons," Blaze scolded Tails for even thinking of that, "and two, no. This is a COMIC."

"Well, it's a 'too be continued' comic," Tails pointed out. "Wanna see what part 2 has in store?"

"Knowing this comic..." Blaze started, but cut herself short, knowing that she'd be repeating herself.

**[PAGE 8 (START OF PART 2)]**

Tails threw up into a trash can while Blaze closed the window.

"Well, I'm sure he's scared," Blaze told the viewer (YOU), looking at Tails. "I don't know why I forced him to read this with me. But I did." She then turned her attention to YOU. "Anyways, hope you enjoyed Tails and I's reading of the first part of _Sonic Project XXX 3_. Never read it. Ever. On an unrelated topic, you should go read _Unusual Heat_."

Sonic crashed in the door at that moment and shouted, "#11: Have somebody advertise a different fiction!"

Blaze rolled her eyes and shut the camera off.

**A/N: Well, that's all I have to say about that, really. If you want me to continue this, let me know. For the time being, I'm That Gamer saying "Bonum nocte et fortuna."**


	13. Sonic In the DriveThru

**A/N: In case you were wondering what was taking me so long... First there was _The Internet_, then Team Rat GH begged me to put up another one of her stories then I asked Ultima the Fox to write a chapter for this (which he STILL hasn't), so yeah. Here's my adaptation of "Trapped in the Drive-Thru".**

_**DRIVE-THRU LINE OF FIRE, DEPT.**_

**PART I**

It was another one of those boring evenings in the hotel of Sonic. Sonic was doing something that wasn't so surprising if you've seen the other chapters: He was sitting down, doing nothing.

Amy came in the room and saw the lazy hog.

"You really gotta do something," Amy told Sonic. "You can't just be sitting here like some kind of log-based analogy."

"Yeah, but the author's been focusing more on Tails and Blaze then he has me," Sonic grunted. "Before you know it, it'll be all about his stupid fan-characters."

Amy leaned on the couch behind Sonic. "And who is the chapter focusing on?" she asked in a whisper.

Sonic gave Amy a dirty glare, as if to say, "Curse you, Miss Rose!"

Amy returned the favour with a smug grin and a flick to the head. She questioned, "Are you watching anything good?"

"That pony show people like so much," Sonic answered. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know... I'm a little hungry, I guess," Amy muttered. "If it matters to you, let me know."

"It doesn't," Sonic said flatly, turning the TV off, "but it could lead to a good chapter and I could finally have the spotlight."

"What about me?" Amy whined, pretending to look distraught.

"You too," Sonic sighed. "So, what do you wanna do about your hunger problem?"

"Me no think about that a lot," Amy slurred. "Me just previously be Andy Rhodes."

"Oh, yeah, that weird fiction," Sonic said. "But, seriously, what do you wanna do?"

"Why don't you make something?" Amy asked innocently.

"I can't cook!" Sonic exclaimed. "You dot it!"

"Just because I'm a woman-" Amy began, but Sonic slapped her.

"You stop making sense, woman!" Sonic shouted. "In these here parts of fiction, you're here just to be the subject of lemon after lemon after lemon!"

"Well that's rude," Amy scoffed, rubbing her cheek.

Sonic nodded.

"So, do you just wanna get something delivered or what?"

"Well, considering our current financial standing," Sonic said to no one, rubbing his chin, "I'm gonna have to say... No."

"Then what do you want to do?" Amy asked, crossing her arms.

Sonic thought for a moment. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then-

"We get it! Move on!" Amy told me, annoyed.

Right. So, eventually, Sonic came up with a brilliant idea: Drive-thru.

"The drive-thru?" Amy asked in disbelief. "Really? Sitting in a vehicle? You're getting less and less out of character, Sonic."

"It's either that, or we go to Olive Garden," Sonic said flatly.

"I'll go get a coat or something," Amy said running to her and Tails's apartment to get said coat.

Moments later, she came back with fishnets.

"What in the world is THAT?" Sonic asked, pointing to various places on Amy's body.

Amy sighed and said, "Something. Look, it was either this or the rave sunglasses and I'm NOT going up against that unicorn! Now let's go!"

Sonic watched Amy stomp off. He followed a moment later, wondering if the reference would be gotten or not.

Amy got in the vehicle and slammed the door. Sonic got in the driver's seat and looked at Amy, then at the dashboard.

"Like my bobble-head?" Sonic asked, flicking his Elvis bobble-head. "Funny, how this is the only thing I brought back to remember Sonic Generations."

"Which port?" Amy muttered, not really caring.

"I think 3DS," Sonic mused, looking up as the world started to go white.

Amy smacked Sonic. "This is no time for a flashback!" she shouted. "Go!"

"Fine," Sonic grunted, getting keys out of his a$$ and starting his car up. Why he had a car when he can run is beyond me. But, hey, it's in most high school fictions, so I'm going to say much.

They went off and down the road, not really saying much. Except for the obnoxious voice proclaiming that they were "Almost there at the drive-thru."

"I heard Blaze is trying to get into Sonic All-Star Racing Transformed," Sonic told Amy, trying to break the silence.

"Whatever," Amy grunted. "She sucked in Free Riders."

"That's 'cause she beat you," Sonic reminded Amy in a mockingly sweet singsong voice.

"Don't make me go crazed-Twilight-fan on you," Amy threatened.

**PART II**

Sonic stapled his mouth shut, which really hurt for some reason. Then they arrived. And they waited in line. Well, until some happened.

"This guy's shinning his headlights in my face," Sonic complained, looking at the guy with his mirror.

"Then turn the mirror away," Amy said.

"I don't wanna, I wanna yell at the guy," Sonic said, rolling his window down. He leaned out and yelled at the guy, "Headlight guy, you so crazy!"

Amy facepalmed at the reference.

Next, they arrived at the speaker box. A split screen came up.

"Sally? That you?" Sonic and Amy were both surprised to see/hear her.

Sally sighed. "The author has no other place to put me, so why not here?"

"I dunno... You could have a real part," Sonic suggested.

Sally thought about and then said, "Order something. There's already enough filler as it is."

Sonic nodded. "I'd like a cheese burger, even though I'm allergic to dairy products, a medium root beer and curly fries." Sonic grabbed Sally through the split screen and hissed, "Don't you dare forget the curly fries."

"What about me?" Amy whined.

"If I learned anything from listening to original song, your order's gonna be forgotten anyways," Sonic reminded Amy. "Also, my root beer should be up-sized. For no extra charge. Or reason."

"OK," Sally muttered, changing the order.

"Hey, you can't do!" the manager shouted from off-screen.

"Oh snap," Sally whispered, all hushed like.

"What-" Sonic started, but Sally had already jumped through the slip screen and into their car.

"...HOW is that possible?" Sally and Amy asked the same time.

"I don't know, but it's a rush!" Sally quickly answered her own question with a giggle.

Amy rolled her eyes and smacked Sonic to get moving.

"Well, we'll see how much it costs when we get there!" Sonic stated, moving the car forward very slowly.

Moments later, Sonic was bored. "This line is so slow!" he whined. "Why can't we just go inside!"

"You're naked!" Amy told Sonic.

"We're both practically naked!" Sally argued. "And we're both heroes, so I think they'd be pretty lenient."

"But I'm a hero," Amy whined.

Sally laughed. "Getting kidnapped doesn't count."

"You have, too," Amy argued.

"You wanna rap about it?" Sally asked threateningly.

"Girls, this isn't the time or place!" Sonic told the two arguing women. "Let me just turn on the radio and get this joke over with." And he did. Then he turned it off.

"Wow, Team Rat wasn't kidding when she said she got a record deal," Sonic commented.

"Well, at least it's better then One Direction!" Amy stated, imitating a rimshot afterwards.

"Oh, like that joke isn't old," Sonic muttered, pulling up to the pay window. "How much is it?

"58 rings," Sally said.

"Good, I have-" Sonic started, but cut himself short. "Not enough."

**PART III**

And the lady at the window's like, "Well, well, well, that'll be $5.82."

"Five dollars and eighty cents?" Sonic yelled. "Sally, why you lie!"

"Actually, it is 58 rings," Sally muttered. "How many do you have?"

Sonic counted his rings up. "54. Do you have any?"

"I work in a drive-thru."

"OK, Amy?"

"Actually, I gave all my money to YouTube," Amy admitted.

Sonic facepalmed. "Maybe I have some rings in the glove compartment..." he said to himself, opening said glove compartment. Out came an OC.

"Hey." Jamie smiled.

"Jamie? I thought we forgot about you!" Sonic exclaimed.

"Hey, look, I don't-" the cashier woman tried to say.

"Nope, I've just been chilling here since you morons forgot me!" Jamie laughed.

Sonic rolled his eyes and slammed the glove compartment shut.

"Fine, no napkins for you!" Jamie called out.

Sonic sighed heavily.

"There's a line behind you!" the cashier woman said. "If you don't move your spiky butts, I'm gonna have to do it for you!"

"You mean you'll us go for free?" Sonic asked, hopefully, giving a cheesy smile. Sally found a rubber duck and squeezed it for added effect.

The cashier woman said, "No." And that was that.

"So where in the world am I going to get extra rings?" Sonic wondered aloud.

"I can help!" called a voice. And thus, out a shinning golden light came a jetpacking hero, who totally crashed into the front of Sonic's car.

Sonic, Amy and Sally stared at him.

"Well that sucked!" said the headlight guy who was "so crazy".

"Who are you?" Sonic asked in a mystified voice.

"I..." the jetpack guy began, getting up and standing on the hood. "Am Dues Ex Machina!"

Sonic groaned. "We've gotten to the point where the plot needs a literal Dues Ex Machina?"

Dues nodded. "And now to give you the money!" He pointed at the two cars off to the left, who came alive.

"Woah..." said the red car. "That's the last time I do nitrogen..."

The white car beeped and bounced a little.

"They'll pay you two rings for five minutes!" Dues announced. He did a heroic pose. "My work here is done! If you'll excuse me, there's a _Naruto_ fanfiction that needs me!" He tried to fly off, but landed face first on the ground. "Forgot to turn the jetpack on..."

"So this car is female!" Sonic exclaimed. "Aw, no wonder I felt like watching _Unfabulous_!"

"Well, let's just get it over with," Amy muttered. She whistled to the two cars and motioned for them to come over.

**Because this T-rated fanfiction and cars doing it is wrong, we will now give you an excerpt from the next chapter of Ultima the Fox's _The Birth of Ultima_ to pass the time.**

_Isn't incest wrong?_ I thought to myself.

"You ain't seen the half of it," Princess Luna muttered.

Ultima stared at Luna. _When the f*** did you get here?_

**You like it? Good! Let's move on!**

"Well, this'll be the one night we never forget," Sonic told the girls, forcing the rings into the cashier woman's hand.

The cashier woman's eye twitched.

"And I'll just take the receipt," Sonic murmured, taking said piece of paper. He pulled ahead, Sally throwing an eraser at her as they passed.

"I have now confirmed that ponies doing isn't that bad compared to cars," the crazy headlights guy told nobody as he pulled up to the cashier window.

Back with Sonic, he just got his food. But he was missing something.

"Where's my drink?" Sonic asked the guy who gave him his food.

The guy, who's name is now BillyBob, whipped out a script and leafed through it. "I'm sorry, there's no drink prop," BillyBob said, eating the script. "Sorry."

Sonic sighed. "Well, can I at least have ketchup?"

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And Tails was dropped into a vat of acid.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

And he looked at Sonic.

And Sonic looked at him.

"Enough with filler!" Sally cried. "Get ready to run, 'cause here I come!" She jumped out of the window, through the wall and grabbed onto BillyBob.

Sonic watched for a few moments before slowly speeding off.

"But Sonic, there was a lot of ketchup!" Amy nagged Sonic.

"That wasn't ketchup," Sonic said, driving with his feet and checking '#12: Witness a murder' off of his list. "At least it wasn't as brutal as it could have been."

"_Sin City_?" Amy asked.

"No, _Legally Blonde 2_!" Sonic corrected Amy. "Actually, while it's scary, it's not brutal..."

They drove in silence.

"I can haz cheeseburger?" Sonic enquired Amy. The smell of the food was getting to him. "And can you put that fan down? It's making me hungry."

Amy tossed said fan out the window. "Fine, if you really-" Amy began, but Sonic was already lifting the burger out of the bag as they came to a stop light.

"I have the Force!" Sonic exclaimed, letting the burger drift into his hands.

He grasped it tightly, almost groping it, and unwrapped the paper.

Sonic then looked at Amy and said "I forgot" to her.

"What'd you forget?" Amy asked. "Tell me, please."

Sonic looked down and said, "I'm allergic to cheese."

The camera backed up quite slowly as Sonic became a bloater.

I know this is a weird ending, but at least it's over.

**A/N: And there you have it. My three part special, _Sonic in the Drive-Thru_. I'll come out with the next chapter as soon as Ultima makes it. Also, check out "Ready to Die" by Andrew W.K.! There's a link to it on my account! Trust me, it's harmless. I'm That Gamer, saying "Paenitet enim omnes MINUSCULUS effercio! Eam suxisti, scio!"**


	14. Got to Get you Trapped in My Life

**A/N: Want a fantasic way to waste time? Read this chapter, completely in rhyme! I know it may seem silly at first, but, hey, you're reading this moronic verse! The story for this was inspired by the song "Got to Get You Trapped Under Ice". So let's just finish this A/N and get this started right.**

One day Amy went up to Sonic and said,  
>"I really want you to be my husband"<br>Sonic blinked and said with a laugh,  
>"I've already told you no, you twit and a half"<p>

Amy said with a frown, "At least give me a chance!  
>You've rejected me every time I've asked for a dance!"<br>"That's because I'm not that hot a dancer," was Sonic's reply,  
>"But, if it'll get you off of my back, then I guess I'll try"<p>

Amy squeed and glomped the hedgehog of her dreams  
>Then ran back to her house so she could scream as she pleased<br>Sonic didn't think it was a very good idea at first  
>But, it was only Amy, she wasn't the worst<p>

That night Sonic was at Amy's place  
>And she was happy to see his fine face<br>Amy said, "Sonikku, I knew you'd be here on time"  
>Sonic said, "It's ten; we should have left at five"<p>

"But you waited for me! That's sweet!" Amy cooed  
>"So come inside, my lover!" And inside Sonic was tossed<br>Sonic was curious as to why Amy wanted him inside  
>He thought they would be out on the town for the night<p>

Sonic asked, "What do you want to do Amy?"  
>Amy giggled and said, "Oh, you'll see"<br>The blue hedgehog at first was a little confused  
>But then she offered something that couldn't be refused<p>

"Chilli dogs, fresh from the oven and smoking hot!"  
>Everything left Sonic's mind and he said, "Want!"<br>Amy giggled and led the hedgehog around her home  
>Using the scent as a leash, leading him to a part unknown<p>

And probably wondering where in the Underwhere they went  
>Simply put, Amy led Sonic in to her fair, small basement<br>Amy put the tray down on the metallic part of the floor  
>And Sonic ran over, ate them all and suddenly wanted more<p>

Then Amy froze him solid

"Sonic, you fool," Amy cackled, "You stepped into my cryogenic chamber!  
>"Now you're trapped there in a frozen state and you'll be mine forever!"<br>Even though the face was a little messed up, Amy had completed her life  
>It never came to mind that she was unofficially married to a chunk of ice<p>

Weeks passed since and Sonic was still freezing  
>And only now did Blaze realize Sonic was missing<br>"Tails, have you seen Sonic?" Blaze asked, going in to Tails's room  
>"No, I haven't, I'm sorry," Tails replied, studying the effects of a rainboom<p>

Tails then added, "But I did hear that Amy brought some property"  
>Blaze asked where and he replied, "Near the edge of the city<br>"I don't know why she did it, maybe it was the rent  
>"But she also bought a cryogenic chamber for her basement"<p>

Blaze immediately put two and two together and ran to said place  
>Back at Amy's, the pink hedgehog wasn't treating Sonic with grace<br>For she was forcing him to watch Jersey Shore on MTV  
>And just the sight of it alone made Sonic want to die<p>

Amy took pleasure in hearing Sonic's muffled yell  
>And she thought, "You reject me, welcome to Hell!"<br>Then suddenly the door from the top of the stair came off  
>Blaze was there and, DAMN, did she look p!$$ed off!<p>

"Just what in Mobius do you think you're doing?"  
>She took a step to the side to avoid Amy's hammer throwing<br>"Since Sonic always avoids me, I've trapped him to make him mine!  
>"Now he's mine forever and ever for my entire life!"<p>

Blaze rolled her eyes, went downstairs and pushed Amy aside  
>And then began to free Sonic from his prison of ice<br>"I've got fire on my side," Blaze said flatly, "You're attempt is pathetic  
>Did you really think you could honestly get away with it?"<p>

Then Blaze was frozen as well

"Yes, yes I did think I could."  
>And she went upstairs to fetch Norwegian wood<br>Then Blaze unfroze herself in a fiery pillar  
>She muttered to Sonic, "She's as stupid as you are!"<p>

Just then, Amy came back and saw them try to escape  
>She screamed "You won't leave!" and grabbed a 12-gauge<br>Bullets from said gun nearly hit Sonic and Blaze  
>But she was a terrible shot, so they were safe<p>

"Y'know Blaze," Sonic said, "I feel like I was in Star Wars"  
>"But unlike this," Blaze said, "it wasn't a complete bore"<br>Both walked down the street wondering about the shortness of the chapter  
>And Amy just sold her house to Michael Bay and muttered, "Almost got her"<p>

THE END

**A/N: I have no idea idea what that was. So bonum nocte et fortuna!**


End file.
